five things about the sleep clinic


a) even before the putting in of wires and the like--ths questionaires, and the architechture of the hospital, reminded me of grade 9, and also some of the sucide safe rooms i spent some time, making me feel very nervous.
b) the sensory overload, of being touched all over, of being my hair pulled, of tape on hair, the cold liquid of rubbing alcohol, the push of his body close to me, i mean i knew it was medical, but it was overwhelming
c) my glasses were off for most of this. later on, he would tape a plug into my noise, so i could not breathe properly, adding to the sensory problems
d) in the bed, pulling and tugging at my limbs, taping the heart monitor to my hand, reminded me of being taped to the bed at sjsa, of the physical abuse that occured with other students. this was connected to the fear that happens when i am constantly monitored.
e) he tucked my shirt in, because he needed the wires to connect properly, which led me to have some serious shep moments.

tried to calm myself, deep breaths, prayed the psalms, and it just overwhelmed me.

i tore the wires off in a panic, told everyone to fuck off literally, and was just overwhelmed...called ray, i was going to leave, but they wouldnt let me,the nurse encouraged me to have a shower, which helped, and ray came because they wouldnt let me leave without him.