Kurt Cobain

Kurt Cobain was 27 in 1994. I was 14. That year i heard about his overdose in Rome the same day as my grandfathers death . I heard about his death two days after my first kiss.
He was the guy i loved. He was butch enough to gain status points. He played guitar loud and talked about shocking things. This was not the point. He had melody, he had a gentleness .
Both things not often known among Rock Gods .

He admitted to being queer, This caused controversy. People in the boarding school where i was held tore his picture up. Gave away his albums.

It was like John Lennon and Jesus .

Speaking of John that was something else . They blamed Courtney like they blamed Yoko . The new biography of Kurt exonartaes Courtney. It was he who reintroduced smack .
She was not a nice person. But they both lived and live complicated lives. It is like a pharmacists scale of masochism and sadism . They fed off each other. He produced his persona carefully , writing down answers to interview questions, speaking in Pacififc Northwest Koans. He wanted to stay home some nights. She was random, spoke fiercely and eloquently . They both seemed like broken people.

Some abuse victims become withdrawn. They never talk to anybody. They become victims of their inability to speak. The scratch their arms until they bleed. They take drugs .
They end up in this inescapable muggy swamp

And some need to yell . This is what Courtney did at the public memorial./ She realized that it was no longer their life. He/She were public figures . His fans needed something. So she read the sucide note . She keened it. Like a woman wearing sackcloth and ashes.

Then she rose and got on with her life. She released an album . She toured. She fell apart . In fact the two albums she has released seem so manic that she has been accused of having Svengalis. I do not know how any one can buy this . It is obvious she plays her own songs.

A Coda : she has written a tribute to Yoko called twenty years in the Dakota. It is a fascinating claim of lineage. It contains the line Your water breaks with turpentine.
That was Kurt for me.