i hate my personae, and i am angry when people respond to it
i got mad at pat today, cause i was listening to a bad open stage, nursing a harps, and realizing i heard amazing music today, and i tried to tell everyone about it, and i described charles ives as pretty, like snow falling in december, after explaining that i loved noise, but it wasnt all noise (avant classical-shit term). pat was laughing/bryan was laughing--like i was putting on a show, that my desires and loves were too thorny and too pretentious to be (honest/pure/real/?)

i dont like being laughed at, and my love of ives is real--but i dont think that people notice that (like the old saw that i like yoko better then the beatles, which was symbolic once and is now a prison); never really gave the beatles a chance--chuck d:elvis dont mean shit to me.

like shea/dom/jason/john/cam/etc get together friday...vapid and vain, no real connection and everyone there was treating me like anthony the performing fag--and i do it, dammit--i fucking do it--like any seal slap my fins for the mackeral

w. bryan and pat in gta it might mean the calcifaction is still there.
i should talk w. them instead of blogging this