sean

i dont have yr email and i dont have yr phone number, and so im writing this as an open letter---i see that you have been commenting on my blog in public, under yr own name now--though i dont know how recently you have been reading it...

ive been reading yrs off and on, in the late nights, or had, i realized though that we had nothing left to say to each other, that the year i lived with you was the best in my life b/c of raymond and the worst b/c of sean--it was painful and i dont want to hear what you think ever again. you havent read carefully, and youve been silly.

do you really spend time thinking about helen frankenthaler, or are you really offended that i like britney's cover of satisfaction more than micks (no, i wasnt talking about baby hit me one more time, in fact my least favourite single from her)

i dont know why you are posting--and i could ban you, or i could just say fuck off, but thats the way i run things--the comments are there and the public element is there for a number of reasons, mostly though because i belive peoples thinking should be transparent--the organic turning and returning, the static and the music of ideas in and out of focus, and thats why i post so many aim conversations, qoutes, emails and links and thats why most of my initial research work ends up here (that and if i need to print, or write somewhere else i can...)

so it makes me complicated. i will be honest, yr the only man i ever hated, and baby yr my biggest regret, and i dont want you to read this or comment. You hurt me. christ tells me not to hate you, and living in the past with regret aint a good thing, and what i want doesnt really matter when it comes to openness, transparency, or all that good stuff...

so balls in yr court i guess
ase

(also, l.m. i really love yr comments, yr suggestions, yr questions and yr answerings, but i have no idea who you are, can i get a clue?)

cheers
ase