30 Words on 30 Singles:

Colbie Callibat—Bubbly
It’s polite, kind of pretty, and lovely. I can imagine it sung better by people who have much more to prove, like maybe Jessica Simpson. It’s still too nice, though.

Justin Timberlake—Lovestoned.
He has such a talent for dirty rythym, and everything that he touches has turned to gold. This is just him coasting, the same sounds, the same grooves. It disappoints.

Kenny Chesney---Never Wanted More.
It’s a response to Tim McGraw’s Last Dollar as sentimental ode to fidelity, to both god and a good woman. I always find this shit more moving then I should.

Posh Spice feat. Nas—Full Stop.
It’s really awful isn’t it? All of those rumours of scrapping her last album as quality control seem completely accurate. Also she has never been a good girl. Fundamentally unlistenable.

Avril Lavigne—When You are Gone
Though tinkling piano’s will make everything better. The song lacks the proper falling apart theatrics for the listener to believe that she is in real pain. Give us the masochism.

Pitbull, etc—Go Girl.
I really love how he manages to draw out every word, the languorous pleasure of power becomes explicit. The lyrics don’t do anything for me, but the delivery sure does.

Akon—Blame it On.
I keep thinking that maybe he should quit apologizing and stand up and do the shit he has promised, but then I am white and in the suburbs, and hypocritical.

KEyisha Cole, Lil Kim and Missy—Let it Go.
I love the whole dump the motherfucker already message, but for these three, who have spent so much time articulating sexual power, they would do something less generic when together.

Blake Lewis—You Give Love A Bad Name
I find the Bon Jovi on the country charts an amusing thing, and American Idols attempt to move away from Ballads even funnier. Conflating the two is just a mess.

Sean Kingston—Beautiful Girl
This is a manipulative piece of psychopathology. You’re so beautiful that if you leave me, I will kill myself, but we can be together all the time, if you stay



Kayne West and John Meyer—Bittersweet
His ego’s engulfed anything that would have been interesting. She cut me like surgery? Is that the great lyric that has been promised? And calling women bitches is just tired?

Citzens for a Better America—Paris Hilton
Tabloid luridness meets old school punk class hatred. For something so played out and immediate, it’s fantastic little pop gem. It’s also more self aware then these things usually are.

Kelly Clarkson—Sober
Exhausting, and very sad, with an ambiguousness that seems very grown up. When she talks about being sober, and grieving, the enmeshment corrals the listener. Does what Avril failed at.

Leanne Rhimes—Nothin’ Better To Do.
The closest we have come to Bobbie Gentry or Jeanne C Riley in ages, no matter how much Gretchen Wilson tries to convince ourselves otherwise. Sexy as all get out.

Brick and Lace—Love is Wicked
They move so quickly, the words overlapping each other, then withdrawing. The percussion and that twee little flute detail all make it more interesting then a standard summer club banger.

Jordin Sparks—
I cant do this, the high falsetto and the theatrics/acrobatics seem not to be good singing as much as well trained academic exercises, the musical equivalent of the Barbizon school.

Amy Winehouse—Rehab (Jay Z Remix)
The verses he has added make the song into both celebrity cautionary tales, and an urbanized context. Some of his rhymes have a tight internal logic, but for what purpose?

Rihanna—Shut Up and Drive.
This is the summer’s single. Complicated aurally, with a wide variety of noisy mechanical detailing. The best thing might be how much control she exudes, and how ahistorical it is.

Lauryn Hill-Lose Myself
Who would have thought we would have found the new single from the queen of afro-centric hip-hop on the soundtrack to a mediocre kids summer movies. It’s desperate and clingy.

T-Pain and Piles- Shawnty
There is almost too much going on here, I think, too much shimmering sound effects and computer blips and beeps, sounds like samples from the tractor beam of Star Trek


Fergie—Barracuda:
The weird thing about Fergie is that we haven’t gotten the obligatory girl power anthem. This respectful cover of Heart’s masterpiece doesn’t have enough ovaries to make it her first.

Lil Mama—Girlfriend
Respectful of the original, without being obsequious, the track compresses the message in a careening and spinning carnival, while still (barely) maintaining control. Lil Mama’s thousand-mile-a- hour mouth, is fantastic.

R Kelly and Usher—Same Girl.
For someone so smooth in delivery (and he has a beautiful, intricate, and tender voice) the sheer chaos of his narratives, and the weirdness of metaphors, never seem to collapse.

Reba McEntire and Kelly Clarkson—Because of You.
This does sound like a second rate Martina single, and Reba is aging, so the whole powerhouse delivery thing seems to be failing her. Clarkson doesn’t know what to do.

Korn-Evolution
Not cookie monster apocalypse enough to be interesting as pure noise, not hooky enough to be as interesting as pop, will make a fortune on disenfranchised suburban white teenage boys.

Tim and Faith—I Need You
Featuring the latest and greatest in codependent metaphors (esp. drugs and Jesus) imprinted into the usual mentions of geography and cowboying, a tender and deeply erotic ode to married love.

T Pain—Bartender
For all of the fuck odes in hip-hop, I don’t believe that most have sex. This one about bartenders is similar to the ones about strippers, and it’s just silly.

Maroon 5—Can’t Stop.
Would be fairly innocuous MOR pop, if the lyrics weren’t so pathetic, including mentions of making love to a pillow, or how he touches himself like somebody else. Literally masturbatory.

50 Cent—Amusement Park
The same forced metaphors and bored delivery that he has on most albums, he isn’t even trying anymore, and at least Candy Shop was mildly fun to sign along with.

Ryan Adams—Two
Adams melancholy hand wringing keeps boring me. That he keeps falling into sub-Neil Young vocalisms makes things even worse. He had potential, but I miss Whiskeytown more each solo album.