1. my weirdness will mean that i will never be comfortable, and a geographic cure is something always to be wary about.
   
2. people who like to see me for a few times every year or so will soon weary of me
3. i will not succeed as much as i think i will
4. the perhptiac, sort of half there career, mostly on prestige and v. little money, will not be made easier there
   
5. the money will run out, and i will have failed, making a life for my self there
   
6. there is a life here, that i am too easily abandoning
   
7. the money will not come from calgary, andi will have humilated myself, with an expected leaving
   
8. the last four years have created permenant realtionships and a body of work
   
9. the last few gallery meetings have gone from polite refual to being literally laughed out of the gallery, i am not publishing as much as i could, my writing and my art have this strange, sort of unhinged, ellpitical qaulity, and their is little or no care paid attention to mechianix
10. i will not go back to school, will not be taken back, and if i do, academia will be like fly paper
    
11. i am needy, broken, sad all the time, i am not indpendent enough to truly leave
    
12. mom will get sick, and amy wont have the energy to handle her sickness, mom will get lonely
13. i will be successful, people will love me, i will form realtionships, i will be happy, and how does one handle being happy.
14. in mid feb, on yonge and blur, with a too thin coat, i will cycle thru my cell phone, calling a dozen people, desperate for a beer or human company, and no one else wanting either.
    
15. that the toronto zoo does not have wombats