praying with someone i think is so intimate, and i have been called to pray of late, and not sure quite how to do it. what it means to pray, what it means to speak to a god that might not be there, or a god you construct as a miasma of free floating signifiers. asking yhwh to intergrate yrself makes me lose all sorts of post modern points, but i need it, and so i get on my knees for the first time since child hood, and we hold hands, and he prays over me, and i pray for myself, and thanksgiving, grace, desire, joy, hope, and also a violation, a backsliding of all the hard work of instability and destabilizing i have done.