i told bryan that danielle wouldnt date him, he should fucking trust me.
i am confused and upset about how i am dealing with d, and do not know how to process it.
she is different coming back from toronto, her playing has become cutting, and her digs edged with malice.

ashley and geneve are too kind, too personal to me, too obsessed with making sure that i know my own genius, so it feels like every time i piss it should be applauded.

i spent 2 hours today driving arround in Jeffs car (uni, leg, downtown, whyte, capalano, bonnie doon,124th, vic, norwood) talking about romance, god, politics, art,pacficism. decided that boys and girls are eqaully complex. I also bitched about sarah who doesnt like me and showed up to b and p, she thinks that i had harrassed her at antioch and the canoe retreat-which i cannot think of why.

im alone for the first time in three days, and it feels good.

recent bombings in saudi arabia and now casablanca are worrisome, suggesting al Qaeda has not been defeated, and the little adventure in iraq has worsened then sitution in the islamic world.

link about casablanca

the dj just played grace jones, im at naked, with the edmonton art scene , and everyone i know is here-so fucking small and hermetic, the art varies from evilbad to good to gr8, people are dressed like brett easton ellis, i am drunk and not sure this is where i am anymore.

matrix reloaded, 10 minutes of diverting violence, 6 minutes of cecille b demille pagan orgy, 150 minutes of dialouge trying to prove that its more the anime/chop socky/american comics- the matrix is stupid, boring, shitfest and i was shocked that people bought it, laughed at the right times, displayed awe or shock or something inbetween.

danielle, bryan, david, patrick, ashley, ian and danielles friends.

i was awful, and was pissed off i wasted 11 bucks. i didnt want to see people, and today i have an opening, plus beer and pizza.
too many large crowds, too many people, too many favours.

i need some anthony time.

america becomes police state redux

june carter cash died today. i cant imagine her dying, its like imagining god dying.

ok auctions
10m below low estimate at christies, with a slew of artists bought in.

secret service becomes secret police

reposted that as the easiest way to show aaron.
spent three hours with him today, going over his essay line by line, he writes w. a clarity that astonishes.

tuesday bible study with the proddies led me to question the whole god is love, love is not easy or simple or wonderful, and gods love, the love of eternity, astonishes, it should fill us with awe, an awe that can be wrathful, and destructive.

to be crucified beside christ, to be subsumed into the body of christ is an act of violence, not something entered lightly.
he is the paschal lamb, he takes away the sins of the world-
and in the words that come after that in mass, have mercy.

we should beg for his mercy and grace, and still we do not deserve it.
i am a wretched fallen man.

the bible study got me thinking, and praying about these questions:
am i saved
are you saved
are we born again

what evil can i commit so that saving grace can be revoked

is the saving a process
does the struggle result in the saving, is the saving or comes afterwords
does it come the minute i say the sinners prayers

i am sinful and wretched, when god said to magdalene go out and sin no more, what was he really saying, was it a commandment, could it be kept ?

what does it mean when i let jesus into my heart
can he be let out again

if the pope says heaven is the presence of gods love, is it not a physical place ?

how can we translate this to the words of catholicism

talking to glenys, she didnt have any answers either.
im scared.

who saw christs penis ?
his mother , his father, the rabbi who circumcised him,
the jeering crowd, the women who buried him, the soilders who saw him raised
maybe the disciple he loved
maybe magadelene.

II
i slip his body under my tounge
once a week
does that body have a penis, testicles ?
arms, hands, eyes ?

the foreskin is found as relic
but the body renews,
and so we have Him all.

III
every time he enters my tounge
it is through the hands of a eunuch,
to whom christ promised the kingdom heaven

IV
As notice at adoration,
a red candle is lit
like a ships signal.
like that penis becoming
the light to the world

V
Every moan of Theresa refutes
every word of Jerome.

VI
To take the robe off,
as he hangs in torture
from every church in christendom.
means praying to christ's penis
is this heresey ?

i have long thought this to be ugliest sculpture in existence. now stolen, it is worth 47 m american.

bryan and i were chattering when he worked on his car, the one we are taking down to seattle and he asked who the patron saint of mechanics was so i went to the patron saint page, and looked it up and it turned out to be catherine of alexandria, the woman who was killed on a wheel, and then splintered it so it could kill legions of roman soilders so i went out and told bryan this and he started muttering prayers about getting the bolts out, and all this other mechanics stuff.

the violence here, the homophobia and racism, the langauge that is raw with degerdation, the horror of losing humanity.
it scares me, and its glamourous

25 above, and im stripped to blue jeans, watching bryan work on his car, reading the first few pages of jarhead.
the book is evil, but im not sure the man is.

i am writing something about andy warhol right now, and how he is viewed as
pill popper, faggot, shallow and bored and pretty ugly. he continued to work
through out his life on themes of god, casting marylin as mary, keeping
diary and screen tests as confession, obessing about crosses, saints, going
to mass, all of it.
people didnt see it until very late or until after he died because they
didnt want to.
he also had aspergers.

more, this essay will get written

PinkMoosePearl: (its about the anihlation of self, the obsession with voyeurism turning into the ultimate refusual of person, its about it being theory light, its about how hot lou reed looks and how fuckable and tender candy darling is)
PinkMoosePearl: good
jazzyjordan42: sounds like it writes itself ;-)
PinkMoosePearl: sort of
PinkMoosePearl: its practice shit
jazzyjordan42: so voyeurism is post-modernist then?
PinkMoosePearl: no
PinkMoosePearl: its an affect of technology that eases it
PinkMoosePearl: but its a theme of art world wide for time immeorial (sp)
jazzyjordan42: gotcha. perhaps it has been adopted by as a postmodernist act for its association with technology, commodification/objectification, and annihilation of self
PinkMoosePearl: all of that is pomo
jazzyjordan42: but probably not
PinkMoosePearl: but i think in many ways warhol was old school
PinkMoosePearl: and i dont mean dada
PinkMoosePearl: i mean catholic,
PinkMoosePearl: and confession has a deeply voyueristic element, and also is about commodification/objectification, and annihilation of self
PinkMoosePearl: so the screen tests, for me are confessional booths, are highly ritualized and deeply personal recasting
PinkMoosePearl: of holy rites he knew since childhood
PinkMoosePearl: and so he bridges mo pomo premo nonmo
discussion of warhol essay mid right

cold observant banal depth and shallow, the camera takes place as observer, and continues as de facto voyuer, three minutes those famous, infamous and some where in between stare, fidget, glower, preen, camp.

the portrait becomes 3d

on warhols screen tests.

Realize that I am doing this so that I am not a hypocrite.

Understand that I am doing this because I believe it is necessary.

Notice the difference between Canada's army and foreign policy and
America's or Britain's, which you often confuse them for.

Believe that I know what I'm doing.

Accept that morality is so personal, so private, that it is beyond
real criticism; ethics may be analyzed, morals cannot.

Please don't run away from me just because I don't make the same
choices you do. It's not fair in the least.
bryan
realize that violence is not fun
realize that which is evil is to be destroyed
realize that i view the nation state as destructive
realize that if i suppourt you i will be a hypocrite

realize that i am ashamed of my violence, that i use violence as a tactic
and this sickens me

realize that war kills, that guns kill, that shooting is not fun.

realize that it is not a rite of passage.
realize that fucking for peace is like raping for virginity

realize that you will be fucking with 1000s of yrs of history, and people
will view you as a colonial.

realize i hate soliders, and i love you.

realize im working on it.
realize im blogging this.

Fthr Raphael Ngomo, a priest who fought to let everyone know of the evil and violence in the democratic congo, who taught, farmed, prayed and worked to bring liberation of his people was hiding in a disocean house Dodro, a mob came and killed him, and three others.

matrydom makes saints, and makes public more aware of what is happening, and it is good to know that a man loves his god and his people enough to die.

i am sad today, and hope that people read this and care.

size and colour mark patrick white as a new la artist