i spent an hour and a half, maybe two- talking to thomas last night-mostly about god, b/c thats what he and i talk about. we talked about attachments and the doctrine of christ, the fear of obdeibnce, the emptiness that comes after mass, my exhaustion, why im religous, essentialism.

im not sure, it feels like their are two people in me- a boy who naively belives in the glory of god, and a cynical adolscent who belives in nothing

he went to mass w. me, and afterwards fr. bittner called me a man, which always throws me-b/c i dont feel like one.