joe asked about when we saw the risen x, and i answered thusly:

i dont think i have ever met him, i think one of the reasons i keep w. xianity is the hope that maybe i will. i am having doubts that will happen

and i thot about seeing the holy spirit, which seems to be about the same. so here is where i felt the holy spirit (and listening to mahlia jackson last nite, in the rain, waiting for the bus, and how she talked about the spirit of god in terms that could only be martial, i mean she belted, and then the band started playing fucking marches, so dont assume this is mahlia, cause she and i dont hear god the same way)

1) sometimes at compline, the only calm and holy moment, at st johns, w. the moon full, the chill in the air, and the campfire, feeling safe that the spirits of the dark would be pushed back
2) the first mass i went to, before i was a catholic
looking at spring, by agnes martin, at the tate musuem, in london. (but not at st pauls)
3) my first orgasm
4) walking behind the beaver pond, and praying as hard as i had prayed before, across the hiway from gethsamani, and hearing the wind thru the rushes, and the traffic moan, at the same time... (i want to write more about that walk sometime, b/c i think almost all of my hangups about jc orignaite there)
5) on the bus from newmans seminary, about 8:30 am, killing time, and half reading sections of the book of common prayer, and having the words kind of swirl betwixt me...

5, and sometimes, the pleasure and the ambiguity comes, and it might not be the holy spirit, but it is sometimes divine?

walking thru the city, at midnite, half conversing with someone who is familal
the cabride from pearson to raymonds
sitting in english bay, on a cedar, beside glenys' house
sometimes, some food based rituals. (diner blts are always holy, eating at someones house for the first time sometimes, birthday dinner, hotcrossbuns/eggnog)
easter vigil, palm sunday, midnite mass...
some art, some artists (mostly abstract, and mostly minimal)
the smell of lillies.
the way certain boys do certain things
music, lots of music (aaron & i talked last nite about music, and we decided that every child should get a package when they are born, with the note, this is what we humans have done in the last 100 years, or even 1000...and it would have a digital card, and it would include things like louis armstrong's hot 5 and 7s, glen gould playing bach, hank williams being both meloncholy and amusing,byrds madigrals, madonna's like a prayer, britney's toxic, any version of to know him is to love him, norwegian wood, mozart's cosi fan tutti or don juan, etc etc, ymmv)
reading the hymnal in the choir loft
the mystery of communinon
sometimes passing of the peace, though v. rarely lately, and mostly at joes.
labyrinths, mandelas, et. al
the poetry of dickinson, whitman, berryman, donne, herbert, some sexton, some others
silence, yr silence, so other voices can be heard
comfort being alone
neville