In the last little while, i have tried to write to conserative xian orgs, using personal anecdotes, in order to further discourse about subjects that i care about, in a way that leads me to understand them better.

this is what i wrote to the hip pomo anti porn site xxxchurch:

I want to tell a story before my question, and since the bible is fullof stories, i don't imagine that you would object. (It's allanecdotal, we can do hermeneutics and bible studies and stats, if you want, but right now all i want to do is tell a little story.)

I grew up LDS, which is a little like growing up baptist. Every Sundayschool i was told that sex was wrong, that it was immoral, that itshould not be done. I was told not to masturbate and that if i didthat i would become addicted. I was told t hat god hated those whojerked off. When I was struggling with coming out, i was told  that Ineeded to change or I would be miserable and unhappy. I was,i hated mybody, my sexuality, my self and my god.

When I discovered porn, esp.  gay porn something split inside of me.Not the bad kind of splitting that you are talking about, but a sortof renewal. I started to masturbate without guilt, i did not become addicted to sex or porn or jerking off. I settled into a rather banalschedule. It did not disrupt school, work, a social life or evenfalling in love. When I fell in love for the first time, i knew whatto do and we had a moment that was bonding and holy. I am pleased thatI am queer, I don't hate my body as much as I used to or even my self.Me and god aren't hanging out anymore, but thats a different kind ofstory, that has a lot to do with politics and not much to do with my penis.

I am concerned with the commercialization of our culture, and howambiguous and complicated sexualities are being torn down and replacedwith a banging and crashing lack of respect and love. I grok that, andif you are working on that--thats fantastic. But what I am worriedabout is that what is positive about sex and porn is lost.

I am terrified that you will see this, and you will say to me thatbeing queer is immoral, and that i will be condemned for that, andthat my view that learning about sex, and viewing sex as a positive least, and try to explain to me that there was not something that was opened here. I also know that you are really busy, and that I will most likely not get the kind of answer that I would like, but I wanted to put this on the table. (also, you will hate the book, but for a larger and more complicated study of the positive forces that porn has on gender, sex, class, theother, and people in general, you should look at Laura Kipnis 's book Bound and Gagged.)