i ha ddinner last night with ray, and company, for his bday, an excellent peice of orange roughy and a medicore risotto, brilliant, tangly, mussels, a v. nice beloujois(sp) and a decent martini (gin, v. dry--apparently my love for a dry martini makes people laugh), a double espresso, and a disappointing cheesecake

alex is with us, and its strange, the rituals you replace things with--i love the taste of wine, mostly dry, mostly a little acrid, though this was fruity, florid, sweeter then most...

but the cork, and the pour and the swish and the boquet, the knowing what wine goes with what, the being okay w. red for mussells (cause the tarrogon, rosemary, rich tomato sauce, etc made it closer to a meat dish then a fish dish)

i like that rite, i like those skills, im proud of being able to like adult things, and i realise, growing up, that one of the lds fears about coffee, wine, gin, etc is a inate fear of not only pleasure, but of comforting, bonding rituals, that are unstable and outside control.

its also v. funny to see me hold an esspresso cup, these big meat hands with something so delicate.