doing the work i am doing with jason, esp. the work that surrounds sex, has mirrors in the work i did with the bishops, with fthr hero, and even with shepered--the same banal offices (offices in the literal sense, but also now that i think about it offices in the liturgical sense as well), the same questions, the same narratives about sex, power, gender, and redemption--except jason never offers redemption, and jason is not doing ecclestical work, he does not control the ability to baptise the dead or doling out hail marries...i have begun to realise then, though this mirrors my historical realtionship with men, there is a break in the narrative where other kinds of discourses can sort thru...

i want jason to bless me, to declare me whole, but i know that is not his job.

there is power there.