Broken and the link missing at the rib... and the halo lowly cast ...
Scott Walker


I went to a mormon baptism today . James, the person being baptized was Catholic, then after infancy his parents become fervored protestants) There were hymns , then a speech, then two sopranos singing about the holy spirit , then the baptism itself. After the baptisim i snuck off to the empty mother room. I turned on the Public Address System and read the bible while listening to the people talk about "the one true church". Usually at this point I want to Purge its influence

... St Theresas calling her , the church up on the hill is looking lovely but it didn't nterest... the only thing she wants to know is how and where and when to go ... how and where and when and why to follow ...

Belle and Sebastion

This Summer has been pretty bad . I had two friends who killed themself. My grandmother finally succumbed to alzheimers . I quit one dead end job and started another . I found refuge in some things but the Catholicsm that sustained my intellectual and aesthic senses failed to comfort my soul .

I talked before the baptism to a fellow who converted the other way (Catholic to Mormon like James), trying to explain the reasons why i am catholic . They are not of the spirit . They are of the flesh or the mind. He said your church and my church . I guess the Catholic Chuch is monotheist, but i have been trained to doubt . My father taught me about pluriasm and my mother taught be about tolerance.

The Truth is Rarely pure and never simple
Oscar Wilde

This was James's day and he is giving up his family for Tara and The One True Church . This stabilty proves comforting. When you are taught about the multipcity of truth then nothing is real . Everything is questioned and doubted . You learn to read for bias . You recontextualize until the author is dead and the text is irrelavant . This is helpful because it means that nothing is simple , it makes you feel clever .

Maybe its like the streets in any big city. Thousands of people follow the same stretch of concrete everyday and they do not notice the seweres,subways,electrical lines under that stretch. Maybe its a mirage , one of those hopewishfever dreams or those streets in the backlots of Studio City .

Does it matter if the movies are tricks of light and shadow when the memories keep you warm in the theatre that inhabits your brain. Does it matter that only plumbers get to see the acess tunnels . Do you have to be in a fever to see the mirage , does realzing its a mirage give you more comfort

But Love has pitched his mansion in /
The Place of Excerment .

Yeats

Crazy Jane Talks To The Bishop

I was Excommunicated by the Mormon Church. I was a homosexual and i should have been shamed . The Church humailted me . They told me , made me sign a sheet that said i understood the gift of the holy spirit given to me at baptism had been rescinded .
Kafka has been misunderstood. The word Kafakaseque should use the kind of betrayal made cold by beroucrats . They told me i was filthy, they told me i should be worried about heartbreak because i was incapable of love and death because of AIDS . But at the baptism i felt the still small voice . I felt the holy spirit . The logical inconstinceies of systems ? I know James will feel free and happy there . Maybe because he is in love but mostly because he fits in . The Mormon Community is warm and gentle . They remember you with fondness even when you have been forced to/left on yr own.

In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you

John 14:2

When i was a child i was told that this would mean a reward of heaven . I think this is not the case , i think this is a case of plurualism . I think God recognized he was unknowabel and humans are petty . They needed a tactial example . They needed to know that there were many rooms and if you found discomfort in the company of one room , it did not matter . This is Gods House and it is large enough for many mansions . Forgive my anger , i have forgotten my mansion and become envious of yours James. I couldn't live there but i am glad you have found a place in The Fathers house.