ive been keeping a notebook, commonplace book, scrapbook or varrations of that theme since i was 14- and always found one lacking-sometime in highschool i carried two arround, one ofr qautes and one for my own writing.
i did this off and on until i found my blog, and started there- i could post pictures, write about my life, sex or politics-easily, with no risk of losing who or what i wa, the physical object eps.

i have been a utopian about the inteweb, a belief that it was intended to communicate, and i still belive that is true-the problem of the blog being both private and pubic sapce however did not occur to me recently. or the contradiciton b/w being self directed and democratic.

i had felt that people were not reading it, until evidence piled up to the contrary, and having people read it, and comment on mechanics, as well as content is both comforting (think sally field at the oscars) and deeply worrying.

i have become less candid, less personal, less likely to talk about intimate things-i am writing for an audience instead of for me. it is no longer my writers workbook but a public document. something parts of me encourage and parts of me are frightened of.

so i have three options
i can shut this down (as an aspie, this wont happen-routine and ritual become hard to unset if done for a long enough time)
i take down my comment system (this would make me a hypocrite, as i have fought to have people post comments, and as i belive deeply that blogging allows voice to those disenfranchised)
i can be deeply honest and fuck the consquences(i think i will take that one)