things about the wedding (in no narrative order)

i went to the hospital, with steve, jerome and a nurse who was related to tracey, a big one, due to lack of sleep, anziety, adn booze, but fun, real fun.

the wedding itself was delightful, a modernist church, with beautiful modernist, hand carved wooden icons, with almsot no details, jsut shadwos adn outliens, of people and events...not even carved as much as cut--should do a bit of research out there if i ever get that 68/modernist thing together--or that essay on vernacular statiosn ive been thinkign about constructing as well

the wedding, there wasa hymn that clsoed the event twice in two days, adn there was a hymn that added feti to the list of groups we shodl protect, its never been something ive been comfortable with, and that added to the vague threatenings against controception in teh wedding mass, made me realize how obsessed rcers have always been with fecundity (oestere/easter) and this no rubbers, no pills, no abortions, no anal, no oral, is w/i a long tradition--revisionist history needs to be put into context, etc
etc

sometimes mikhael is frustating, cause he buys into what hes todl by the right w/o much thot...i think i could argue gay into submission, using the standard left tools of identity poltics, but i dont thik thats the way desrie works, adn i think, it would make me dishonest, so coming out as queer, as having the possiblity to fall in lust with farmers, cowboys, irish immigrants, and butch aussie boys as much as big portguese girls is something ive found realtivley easy, it took a while, but i really think that sexuality is a lot like the holy spirit, warm, free, descending, adn uncontained...or at least only contained by social convention and personal history. b/c my sexual history fits so well into bad freud, i have to work esp. hard to make conserative/orthodox religious members not play those games as well--or realise that game doesnt work as well for some as it does for others (ie for me, absent father, too close mother, sexually abused, badly socialised with men, et al)

ive missed the 3 am conversation, walking, tumbling words, sorting out questions unanswered and answered, and the thrusting and parry of new people and new quirks, was really powerful this weekend, not only mikhael, who kept me on his toes with his surity, but jerome, with his calmness, and his love, and esp the lutheran john, who kept using the word heretic and made me think about what it meant, (i liked also his rigour) realiznig how open i was to other traditions, and how much of my religious life, was a settlign, arunning and a wrestling towards god, adn how that wrestling moved to and fro, not with church but with christ, and now i am in a new match with a new partner, who knwos me too well, was impt

gerard, dancing, the release and the happiness and the joy...
me dancing, how i missed dancing, and the dj was like any other lds church dance, maybe i dont like dancing in clubs, cause when it comes to moving my ass, i perfer comfort (and country, i loev me dancing to country)

the trip down was good, though they need to work harder at making fun of my love of vernacular modernism.

jason is difficult, he got hit by a train and found a very literal jesus, and well you cant really make fun of a guy for what he believes, even if he recites prayers about drwoning in the blood of christ, or demons blaming as opposed to other things (whats teh difference in blaming demons and blaming medicine, sicence, luck, other gods) the problem is that i talk to god or i got hit by a train, or god talked to me and told me this when i came from a coma, shuts down discourses immediately--what the fuck do you say to that? how can you argue with that? esp if you mantain others ability to identify and process what happened to them? i dont pray publically often, and god has talked to me maybe 2x in my life, and this is what makes me a bad xian, is that im mildly angry about that...(i get 4 words?!)

its dark, we are at the end fo the trip, im exhausted, and anxious, 3 other people in teh car, and i just want everyone to shut up, and we start saying a really dark, really violent series of prayers plus the rosary, there are moutnains, pine trees, a wide green river, and im watching out the window, having thsi holy thing and it feels like i have to distract myself in order to make concrete the abstraction im feeling.

lots of photos up on flickr. polaroids scanned tomorrow.

getting in, on the doo, the four of us, large men, sort of therating, and the first thing that happens, we get fed, and then the fridge at the cabin we are staying at, has a full fridge adn full cabinents, bursting...lovely people, fantastic, lovely traceys family, more genoursou tehn they had any right to be (sarah, mike, john, jason, mikahel, ugo, david, emily, and me so 9 people over 4 days, and we still had food left over)

im still realtively happy.

prince rupert, tourist trap mostly, but some really interesting things at he musem of northern culture, a really great cedar lodge house, with beautiful light, adn a back room for new shows, with a glass curtain towards the sea the outside was grey adn warn, but had a vestibule of warm red, so tehy worked together)

the northwestern examples, some brilliant boxes (i find the haida totems, much more inrteresting and powerful then he totem poles, the balancing of curvelinear forms in a rectangle space, formally have always impressed me, and teh red cedar, with the red and black paint--there are 6 or 7 examples here), a full long boat, a mask for sail, of three men in a lunar shape, made of pale stripped pine, the masks had a wide smile of perlsecent teeth, which resembled abolone, but made of the hard edge of a snail, that kept the body cavity free of debris (i guess a coloaca), a cheifs blanket from the 1800s, with chinese tokesn, european beading, and haida forms which proves multicultralism is at least 200 years old, a agulite (glossy black stone) carving of john rohnson, two hand carved cedar saints, a decent show from the foto club, including some great colour shots by peggy lam.

we also went to the fire musuem, which was AWESOME for its photos of buildings being burnt down, at least 10 of them, in a straight line, like ruscha but better.