3 am conversation with bryan made me realize that butch cassidy and the sundance kid were about love but not sex.
roving thru the ravine past his house, knowing the dirt paths under the pines by heart,
and having him sing, its boyscouts with out the crush on the troop leader.
its like i have been reborn as a boy, 14 yrs old and discovering the world.
the chutzpah, the fuck you energy, the hormones, the desire to be this way forever
those silly rite of passage movies when the rite of passage never happened.
i have worked on the chemical state of my id, from solid to gas, now he has done some wonky post particle physics
and im not the same way, like some 4th state, some lds jello salad where the pineapple has gone cosmic.
.(he also eats from the same glass and plate, and we share meals, i mean not eat together but one plate communal)
is this symbolic
this is new, this is scary.
this means he might stay.

we are buddy/brothers with out subtext, without rooting out id imps, with out the tension.