it is 4 am and i have talked to patrick for the last hour about the ethics of first post, and i wrote some things that offended him, that i should not have written, that I regret.

But this blog has been a venue for what i cannot say, what i need to say but cannot put into words

i cannot write about my life without worry that i have said something wrong, and i have other venues for the other writing.

i feel as if negotationg public and private is too ethically vague and something that i cannot do anymore.