i have gone to this confrence for 6 years now , about sex and spirit , usually its good and it gives me enough time to really think about my G-d and My Queerness , but i feel like i dont want to be there , not sure why , maybe cause i dont like the inbred midwest pc collection here, maybe because i feel like am 14 there and it always percipates a crisis of faith. Maybe because i always make an ass of myself , fucking up some level of protocal . Thats the problem w. phags , way too much protocal, we are a people who voluantarily invented a court system . Anyways ill go , because the folks who founded it are 75 year old former ministers of the united church and sweet as the day as long as well frankly i get three days of food, knowledge , net working et. al for 40 bucks. I think i am more confident , feeling like i can id as a writer and a catholic , less of a mormon and maybei can go in and behave like me , saying fuck you to them all.

When CAtholicism is displayed on screen , its priests are viewed as abusive libertines and its nuns are cute or somber . Those people who work hard at their faith , take it into their lives and try to make a definitve effort are ignored or mocked. I am EXCITED to see a young man living his faith honestly and have a movie ( even a harmless , rather silly rocom ) depict that, The movie is 40 days and 40 nights and i am looking foreward to watching it .

When CAtholicism is displayed on screen , its priests are viewed as abusive libertines and its nuns are cute or somber . Those people who work hard at their faith , take it into their lives and try to make a definitve effort are ignored or mocked. I am EXCITED to see a young man living his faith honestly and have a movie ( even a harmless , rather silly rocom ) depict that, The movie is 40 days and 40 nights and i am looking foreward to watching it .

i know i posted this 3 times my bad

icq isnt working mostly cause i dont know my number,
the speakers are fucked ,

i dont have a bunch of my links ,

1200 mp3s ( including Westeren Fields by Moonlight, Yankee Foxtrot Hotel. The Basement Tapes , Scott Walker live in London , Momus live in Paris , the Smile Sessions and a bunch of hard to find Real COuntry ) are lost

375 images from the web , photos of me and family , all gone .

As well any software this was bundled with (ME,Office etc)

BUT I AM ON THE WEB

computer still fucked up, at shaw now picking up a driver disk , ill be back online today

work , school, computer being fucked , and now i am typing this from a buddies comp b4 we go to crossroads ( i really want to see this , i *heart* britney

Its Shrove Tuesday :



BASIC PANCAKES

==============


Ingredients:
------------
2 cups flour
3 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt (very important)
1/4 cup sugar
2 eggs (or equivalent egg beaters)
2 tblsp oil
1 cup milk


Instructions:

-------------

Sift dry ingredients in bowl and stir in liquid ingredients
with wire whisk until mixed. Do not beat. Heat griddle until water dropped from your hand bounces around.
Drop about 1/2 ladle/1 large mixing spoon for each pancake. Cook until
bubbled all over the top and brown on bottom. Flip, cook until brown on
other side. Keep you griddle very hot at all times.

Burners work as well as griddles

Shrove Tuesday is also called Carnival ( farewell to the flesh in latin) and Fat Tuesday . This is meant to remind us of pleasure before the 40 days of solemnity . Why pancakes ? Well Lent is a time of abstinence, traditionally of meat, fat, eggs and dairy products. So we got everything out of the kitchen . Some of this has practical meanings , food is not good stored in the midst of winter and often cattle and chickens are not very productive. Vatican two has changed this and made absetince ( or small meals ) on weekdays and fasting ( one meal no meat ) on fridays .





How am i restructuring my life for lent ? How am i finding my way out of the Garden ? Its a little more abstract then giving up daily pleasures . I want to be a happier person . I want to give up my knee jerk cynicism , my beilef that the whole world is lying to me , my belief that humanity is stupid and vain unless proven otherwise. I am going to treat every man , woman and child who comes in contact with me as a person of worth including myself.

http://www.colorgenics.com/ is the site , my crib sheet for html is gone sorry

Your ability to withstand the pressures of everyday life have been overtaxed, and this is leading to stress and frustrations. It would seem that for the time being you have lost the resilience and strength of will necessary to contend with existing difficulties. You feel that it is all "Too much" and try as you may - you are getting nowhere. But to give you credit you continue to stand your ground and still pursue your objectives with a fierce intensity.Naturally this situation is subjecting you to intolerable stress and pressure from which you would dearly like to escape, but you can not bring yourself to make the necessary decision. As a result you remain firmly involved in the problem and you can neither view it objectively nor get rid of it - You cannot leave it alone and you feel that you will only be at peace when you have reached your objective.


from my colorgenics profile . too close really. and you knwo you are depressed when you are talking notice ofdodgy internet sites

I haev been insanely busy , working , writing, going to school. Some asshole on Morpheous has infected my computer with the love letter virus which means i need Nortons , which i cannot afford. These are the reasons i have been negiligent . Sorry

My dad was a forensic social worker so i understood a vareity of clincal teasts from a fairly young age , not enogh to adminster them but enough . My favorites were the rosach blots ( blots is an inadquete word for them , they were whirls spills blotches) I looked at them , read mr rosachs books and i found out a bit . There is power in them , in in attempting to analyze the subjectivity objectivly . I learnt which ones were sexual and which ones indicated creativity . They were curious and beutiful, like ab-ex as a tool . I wasnt suprised that simialr methods were popular at the fin de seicle and the dadaists .
Yesterday i bought cabnient , a journal from brooklyn . It contains a cd, a poster , a postcard, centering arround a variety of themes . The theme was evil and the poster was dull, the postcard had a diagram of hell drawn by a interent kentucky baptist , ItUp to this point clincial standards and copyright have forbidden rosachs to be published. However within the last year the copright expired . it also contained an interveiw with a Freudian Pyschotherapist who adminstered the rosach and other tests to the 21 cheif nazis beofre their trials , including speer , goering and eichmann . (up to this point clincial standards and copyright have forbidden rosachs to be published. However within the last year the copright expired . so we got to see the real pictures as well ) The interesting this is eichman , goering and speer all refused to see the images in plates six and seven . The sixth plate has a delicate black shaft bisecting a black pattern , obviously phallic. The seventh plate among undlating curves has a shadow that looks ( and is suposed to be ) like a vulva. When i find a scanner i will scan them.

today i spent two hours talking poetry w. my film prof , waited for a buddy who sttod me up, had lunch at my favorite counter, flirted with the woman who took my order , failed to notice that they cook was baking a massive carrot cake in the shape of a schlong , flipped thru art mags and a french fashion journal that fetured dwarves, listened to hank iiis latest which i will review , wrote a bit about rosachs in an a and w , watched two teenagers pray in the self same a and w , had salad for dinner , watched the anniversary party and metal gods w. Angel in bewteen . i will now type the stuff on rosachs i revise my poetry , try to start my d.o.a column and finsih the hank review .

look what i can do thanks arse monkey

would putting you gotta hide yr love away and my seceret love on a gay mans mix tape be cute , clever or precious ?

i am gettign a haircut tomorrow , real short .

i am listeing to patricia o callaghan again , pissed off that i dismissed her elegant phrasing and meloncholy w. one listening , she sings leonard cohen with this clear soprano that is much more winking then one would assume from her classical training , thats the probelm with uncle lenny i think , he takes himself a little too seriously .

i know i know its been mad w. classes and me writing for the gateway and work and i have been hegligent in updating this , and i dont have much to say either , i am reviewing hank iii tomorrow and working in 2 hours , i dont really hate my job , just wish i didnt have to work , does that make sense , i didnt work for a couple of weeks cause i was taking care of mom and now i have to get back to the rythym .

and his blog is a rightous crusude against the fatous buffons and evil clowns that infect our lives . if he keeps yelling they are gonna send you somewhere :)

I was rooting arround in my text files looking for something to send to another pissant journal in between trying to write a review for the art show that the gateway needed . in the last eight months i have become a better writer , almost good and at times publuishable . i blame geoff , he pointed me to d.o.a which was the first deadline i gave a shit about , he read my stuff and tore it apart , giving me shit for the cliches and pointing out undertexts i had avoided on purpose . he wasnt afraid to treat my text like a brahma bull , a beutiful animal that is savage and destrutive unless he is pushed into submission by equal amounts of praise and correction. geoff has done that , clened it up , made it work . i do not think he realizes how effective a writer he is , his novel is a postmodern picaresque , filthy w. a human craving .
and his reviews are mini discourses on everything from funk to aussie politics . and his poetry fills the mouth with rapturous pleasures , not large ones , but ones that are tagernts , like chicken and chicken .