and his blog is a rightous crusude against the fatous buffons and evil clowns that infect our lives . if he keeps yelling they are gonna send you somewhere :)

I was rooting arround in my text files looking for something to send to another pissant journal in between trying to write a review for the art show that the gateway needed . in the last eight months i have become a better writer , almost good and at times publuishable . i blame geoff , he pointed me to d.o.a which was the first deadline i gave a shit about , he read my stuff and tore it apart , giving me shit for the cliches and pointing out undertexts i had avoided on purpose . he wasnt afraid to treat my text like a brahma bull , a beutiful animal that is savage and destrutive unless he is pushed into submission by equal amounts of praise and correction. geoff has done that , clened it up , made it work . i do not think he realizes how effective a writer he is , his novel is a postmodern picaresque , filthy w. a human craving .
and his reviews are mini discourses on everything from funk to aussie politics . and his poetry fills the mouth with rapturous pleasures , not large ones , but ones that are tagernts , like chicken and chicken .

You never rerally forget that you have depression. i arrived half an hour early for my birthday and i waited , growing more and more terrified that no one would come , that the end result would be my humalation. People came on time and people had fun but that fear of rejection seems pretty permanant .

'of the 248 senators and House members on the various committees investigating Enron's collapse, 212 have received contributions from Enron or Arthur Andersen since 1989.'
New York Times

last night nine people ate itialian to excess and drank cocktails and beer. we talked about politics and sex and culture and laughed at things like kruschev touring disneyland . in fact we all laughed til our sides hurt and i dont remember what we laughed at. i had a chi chi an avalanceh a pink lady and a snowball at the resturant, then the nine of us ran over to lat and invaded the gallery and i tihnk i made a fool of myself

when mormons go on missions , its not about conversions , its about a search for idenity

when mormons store food its not a fear of apocolyspse, its a fear of losing ones job , minor tragedies

when mormons legislate sex and drugs and rock and roll it is a plea for saftey





and why can i not do a similar excerise in catholicism

i spent almost two hours talking to a toronto artist about his art at latitude tonight mostly for the gateway, its so full and theorticaly complex and typing my notes tonight i realize that i want to write poems about it , so haunting and clever and heart filled . he was kind and gentle and funny as well , touchy feely , made me feel like i knew what i was talkign about . i like it when the art is great , the artist isnt an asshole ..




the designer tibor kahlmans son has the middle name of onamanpeia

The following foods are kosher

Pheasent , Squab duck and Grouse

According to Rabbi Horowitz , these are the critera :

any bird :
That is not a bird of prey.
That does not have front toes (or tearing talon)
That must have a craw and a double lined stomach that is easily separated.
That can catch food thrown in the air, but it must lay it down and tear it with its beak before eating.

Fish is very complex and deals with the kind of scales , roughly if you can descale a fish w/o deskinning it its kosher , there is a list
here

vension

moose

bison

giraffe (although ritual slaughter is diffucult because of the neck )

Honey ( though bees are not kosher)

mutton

and goat


this is what i did tonight . researched kosher game. oh and until about 10 years ago m and ms smarties and other coated candies were not kosher because there shells were made of insect excertment.

i cannot seem to use html the momus essay is here :

momus has a new essay about lit vs painting , i think hes wrong but maybe thats cause i believe in the first verses of john


my mom is still really sick , stuck in the hospital , i should be working but i dont have the energy. So i will spend the day reading for classes and maybe Rank Ladies , the book i am reading for "fun"

Items in my pocket today

Wallet

with three customer loyalty cards

government id

student id

two buy so many get one free , one empty, one w. three punched out.

Father David Bitners business card

bank card

hostel international card

one year of movie recipets

Card for Inform Funiture, Gas Town Vanvouver

My Editor from the Student Newspapers Card

a photocopy of a photograph of isherwood and auden getting off a train in berlin circa 1936

ten dollars cash

30 dollars in gift certficates

tution recipt

The Call Numbers for three books on Lars Van Trier

a prayer card (sebastion)

Watch

bought cheap so i could work secuirty

From Latitude 53, the gallery
Red Flyer w. Cowboy in a picket fence , printed on heavey cardbord for the next lat. show ,contains the stat there are 1160 homeless people in edmonton

Confirmation to add Philosphy 384 becuse Theology 215 was canclled

.384 is a media studies class about the applied ethics of war esp. in movies and there is alot of writing

Mass Times for St Jospehs College,
I have decided to go to mass weekly again , mainly becuase of Father David Bitner talking to me on thursday about Canoeing ,letting faith lay fallow, the rairty of infabilty. ( only one doctrine was called infalliable in the 20 th century for example , that being the assumption of mary) and a quick gloss of St John of the Cross

3 choclate mints from the student health.

ithere was a roulette wheel that if i spun and answered a question i got a reward , the reward was the abover mints , the question was about herpes

650 g of golden honey , a gift form the mother of a friend

i sold this stuff door to door for two months in the autumn and one month in the spring in grade seven and eight . I was good at it and when i saw this on a shelf i asked for a jar. The jars i sold were heavier and had red labels . This one has a yellow label , but the plug for the school is the same .

well they tried it in ontario and people starved , they tried it in alberta and teachers striked. now they are rebranding in bc . yep the hack and slash , fuck the consquences style of managment is taken place , with the government planning a variety of cuts

the most egregious

Closing one third of the provinces courthouses, mostly in the interior . Since alot of these areas are remote a large number of court rooms are nessciarly to make for due process and expideint trials

Shutting down eight provincal jails including one for woman

Cutting almost 900 Health Ministry employess , including 37 paramedics , again in mostly rural regions ,

no more bus passes subsidies for students , seniors and single mothers

and speaking of single mothers , if you are one and are on welfare, the minute yr kid hits three you are off the welfare rolls

so why dont we get rich people to pay more taxes , or large corpartions to pay any. no its better to slash essiental services. these motherfuckers are below contempt , i havent even approched what they did to the department of the enviroment or to civil service .

Last year was a series of disasters, and i found my engery disappting at every obstacle. i found my will towards pleasure seeping out , i found my want to eat and fuck disappear. i found myself feeling like water circling, the last km in a marthon, choose yr cliche/metaphor. i berated myself for drinking too much and not going to church and falling away from my sister, for not having enough freinds or not being queer enough



well this year i am doing something about it. i am starting to eat three meals a day, and enjoying eating them . Sitting down with the food chart you got in grade four and counting how many servings of each you need. Maybe i wont lose weight but i realized that it wasnt about weight , it was about using food to fill holes, yeah its oprah butsometimes she is right .




i am also going to quit fearing rejection, at school today they were selling tickets to a social for world youth day, i made excuses, played politics. i wanted to go but i was afraid of being alone in a strange bar , half drunk . pathetic etc , well i am going back to sub and buy a ticket and not worry .




I have stopped drinking because it is there , as a mormon i was taught that drinking was evil so it still has this patina of adult sophistaction, its absurd that i fell awkard ordering milk instead of wine at dinner , i will no longer do that , i won't feel an odd adloscent obligation,




I set up a meeting tomorrow w. Father Bitner, i chose to be catholic and if i feel it is no longer releavent i need to analyze why and not blame it on ennui or domestic tragedy . i feel closer to an athesit these days and i am not Antole France , so its time to talk to a FAther and hash this out , and work past all the other raodblocks that i have set up, how many times can i brusie my knee before i see it .




my sister and i since january have gotten closer , we are both or both seem calmer . and thats what i am working towards ,a calmness .

my sexuailty and christan ethics class was cancelled becuase one of the memebers thought it was offensive . i am deeply disappoinyed

a local isp has but up billboards of raging bull style boxing scenes w. tag lines about connecting

the local paper is putting ads of their sports reporters with bruises and lacercations on both cheecks and a v. nasty looking black eye

this seems wrong .

i write daily . not only as a student but as a poet,blogger,essayist etc. i take it pretty damn serious and have waited ten days with no e mail from editors and publsihers. Its not McLeeand Stewart yet but literay magazines , some provincal, some national. They expect revisions and here i am spending 6 dollars an hour to use the web on cafes or use other computers. Why ? BEcause Future Shop is lying

it will take 25 ! days or so to ship a part . DO i know which part , No

Do i know what is wrong with my drives , no ?

This and the cd player i got for my birthday bought at future shop stopped working after Six Hours .

NEVER EVER SHOP AT FUTURE SHOP

William and Harry
the real scandal that has yet to emerge is that he grew the weed himself in the garden behind his fathers country house. he was nice enough to share with the country folks at the pub who gave him some drinks in return but the one guy who wasnt asked to go along to toke got mad and ratted him out unsubstaited web rumor fark.com

grandmother is a prig.grandfather is an imprealist papa is a reactionary mama is a simpering narccisest media whore.

but the sons tell photogs to fuck off and smoke dope and act human. plus they are jailbait hotties



other shit

My university id has a way i can add cash to it ,i know they are tracking me but fuck it its convient. it also has the telus logo on it i am not sure why



my birthdays tomorrow



Today after work i went to wendy's . the guy at the front counter had a name tag that said forgetful,his name was jason and he forgot his at home he also said i am supposed to upsell do you want anything more.i said no and that i was worried about waste.



at work about half way thru i have a point where i reach zen, i no longer notice time,it sort of drifts merrily away. the first eleven hours were like that until someone used the word "paki". i said that isnt cool an dhe started berating me.



i miss the casual give and take of email and im. i have delvoped these net buddies and becuase i depend on someone elses computer or on the unis i havent been able to do anything about it. add that to my lack of mp3s,all my poetry i have been working on not being worked on,and the fact that i spent a couple of hours a night there i am feeling withdrawl



jeff koons bisected,disected never see there cunts or faces floating in a pop cult vortex new paintings have a disturbing misogynist undertone it is way too tempting to blame this on the pornstar ex



kenneth nolands colors are lurid and lavicous, the colors of consumption. lemon yellow, femmine hygiene lavendar,bakery store box pink,the violet of dawn in a city whose lights never go out. i know he is supposed to be a non objectivist, but anybody with a pallette like that has seceret desires. and the concentric circles seem to close to targets.

however lazer quest realizes the value of customer service and works its ass off to make sure my nine friends get all the services i need for my party,do not try to upsell at all and rearrange there shedule to accomadate us.

Thursday the third i go into the store with my cpu and ask them to repair the drive. Since it is under warranty that say it will take three working days. I call on Monday to pck up my machine,they say it is not ready and it will cost me 60 dollars to replace my e drive plus labour. i explain its under warranty. As well i will have to wait another 5 to seven days. It is now the tenth, i call them and they say wthe techinicans arent working , I ask to speak to the manager and i am put on hold. It takes 5 minutes and i am cycled back to the orignal woman i talked to. She puts me on hold, or attempts to but i am disconnected. So when they call this place future shop , they must mean that nasty beucratic dystopian future. Pigfuckers.

Ten Things Before Class

1) My Computer is Fucked , i wont have it back for at least a week (its been gone since thge 3rd)

2) 6 days til my b-day , Glenys sent me certificates for the Old Spaghetti factory , so we will go there and then paramiltary

3) My D.O.A column is up , i cannot be arsed to link

4) Thanks to Geoff for the unbelivaly brilliant book i have wrote an essay reviewing it and will post on Monday

5) Film Studies Class will be fun, i have seen all the films on the silbeous, and a fair amount w. similar themes , thast and there was a gay boy who felt very offendede at me self id'ing as queer , i should have taken him behind the bunkhouse

6) Alberto MAnguel wrote a book called The Dictionary of Imiaginary Places. It is complete with these elegant line drawing of Maps , set up like a travel guide and you can see the influence of Borges on every page . I am shocked by the scholarship of it , its completeness .

7) Hyathinths and Thistles by the 6ths . High Camp in the Music , Debauched Melonocholy in lyrics.

8) I am Going to London for a couple of weeks in May, a writers conference , where the first half of the day means tours and lectures and pilgramges and the second half is do your own thing. I want to go to the Victorian Toilets Everyone from Wilde to Isherwood, Orton to Gielgud , Auden to Britten cruised at, OutRage managed to convince the English Minster of Culture to Blue Plaque it as the Oldest Functioning Public Privy in London

9) CLown Porn is not art no matter what Todd from Latitude 53 says . Its there most recent show and i may get the theroy , its still filthy .

however the sight of red foam clown noses on a womans tits is v. amusing

10) I am learning to quilt .

last night i took my shirt off , then my glasses , then put my mgazine beside them, i was exhausted and kind of drunk.
in the morning someone folded my shirt like they had Gap training, put a book mark in my magazine and then piled it all up on a chair near the bed. This neat little tower. i have never met these people before , the people i did know had already left. It was such a small gesture but really kind of toucjed me. I think these little gestures of kindness, these touchstones of grace determine entrance to heaven .
i was worried that my blog wasnt deep enough, was too banal but my new years resoultion this year was to trust that my writing is interesting.

I have half finished the cd collection artur sent me and it is fantastic, poppy and fun , with enough novelty, singer longerwriter grief,noise and elegance to offset, its like fucking in the back of a limo on the way to a gallery opening on melrose, its like doing e and then going to the getty, its like seeing a Paul Mcarthy Sculpture in a Kroneig House. Its perhaps the best mixed cd collection i have heard.

I am hung over from a very artsy house party. i got 4 cds from my l.a. buddy arthur of all these really hip artists i have never heard of . i am working on my d.o.a column and its going to be more lyrical i think.