For Dinner: Roast Beef as tender and succlent as any first fumbles

Squash with lemon, parmeasean and brown suguar

asaprgus

biscuts

and a cheese cake for deseret.

we had easter dinner and watched songcatcher . A movie about Appalcihan Mountian Music, i downloaded the soundtrack and am falling in love w. emmy lou harris singing Barbra Allen, though the song w. the chorus kick his head agaisnt the wall didnt make it.

A woman who has spent her life drinking, gambling, wasting the states money, popping out one fucked up kid after another and not even staying in the palace after the war has died at the age of 102. I am trying to care, no wait- i am trying to be a bit more polite then my usual republican self allows.

MArrianne Faithful on Broken English, As angry as i have heard in years .

i talked to geoff today about gay truckers,liza,seder,good friday . nothing deep but how comfoting that chatter is , today was a day where i felt like i could just be anthony w/o thinking about who anthgony is . Its a good thing .

today i went shopping at a downtown mall, exiting the gap i ran into the gentleman who abused me at 14, instead of being an adult I acted the same way i did at 14 , scared and desperate to prove my worth.


zero patience, the AIDS musical was shown in film studies,12 people walked out from a discomfort seeing two men engaging in sex. I assume this from where in the film they left. I have watched nine films in this class, alot with hetereosexual love stories including a very explicit shot of Sharon Stones vagina , i did not walk out once. I know that i have no control out of peoples actions. I had to stay after the film letting my emotions settling , i cried at the end of this film, i was aroused and amused as well. This film was so real to me, more real then any of the other films i saw, there was geniuine hurt when people left .


i walked a buddy home from that film studies class, i enformed him about how faggots fuck, and he told me how heteros fuck. There is a ritual of straight sex that seems to miss the delicate negotions of gay sex.

i tried to cut and paste the oscar stuff , isnt working. Sorry that i haven;t said alot lately , been real busy ! Ironically mostly writing ,

i tried to post my oscar list and it didnt work for some reason , does this ?

i am reading old school english poetry, milton, herrick,marvell,cowper,skelton - in preperation for london , thinking i may discover or rediscover the old masters - getting less excited about saachi and saachi , more excited about the National Gallery, maybe post modernism is wearing itself out slowly .

oh and i got onto dusted , i am writing my fucking ass off .

tuesday my peice on queer id came out and today i had a conversation with a gentleman named Blair . He also writes for the gateway and has a face that changes, from cruelty to a gaurded warmth depending on the way the light changes. He doesnt really follow alot of things that go on , and there were rumours sounding him and his tastes . He's LDS , and had some what of a disjointed childhood. I met him today , at Rutherford Library and we talked , He asked questions about "being gay and being catholic" and I asked questions about his life. All that time there was his hairy chest peeking out from under his worn t shirt that showed a flag of the lone star state . I got arround to talking abut his addiction to porn and this as a reason to join the church and i got a hard on. Mostly because i find the restriction of sex singularlly erotic, this sort of sensual energy that is squeezed from the corners of repression. We walked downstairs . i did some photocopying, met Peter for lunch, ate, scurried along to the gateway meeting - talking about the reaction to my article with buddies .After the first meeting, there is a second . That second meeting Blair came in late , the shirt i found so intruging replaced with a smart and elegant plaid button up , sort of a Ben Sherman rip off of what my Grandfather wore to Barn Dances. It was strange .



reaction has been mixed , mostly i cannot write down to an audience and i may not be gay after all .

The Provinical Government budget came down today, usually this is good for some ranting, but latley my feelings towards Ralph Klien have gone past mocking, past loathing, past hate to a kind of bizarre exhaustion, where i know he will fuck over everything i consider vital to my life and i cannot do anything about so i might as well close my eyes and wait for him to finish
If this seems extreme lets look at this month ( yes thats month)

1- Threatened to Sue the Federal Government to get out of the Koyoto Treaty

2- Refused to allow fair abritration in the teachers dispute, then legislated them back to work

3-Cut Lottery Grants to Arts Orgs.

4-refused to do anything about soaring tution

5- Allowed Oil COmpanies to pay education costs

i have to go to school , there is more but right now all i want to do is kill him.

On a more personal note , i am a member of the LAtitude 53 Critical Publications Committe

Perhaps the strangest aspect of the interaction is male urine-hosing of the female. The male approaches on his hind legs and tail, grunting in a low tone. His penis springs erect. He then becomes a urine cannon, squirting high-pressure jets of urine at the female. Everything suggests the urine is fired by ejaculation, not released by normal bladder pressure.... In less than a minute, a female may be thoroughly wetted from nose to tail."
Roze- The North American Porcupine

A Prayer before Logging onto the Internet


Almighty and eternal God,
who created us in Thy image
and bade us to seek after all that is good, true and beautiful,
especially in the divine person
of Thy only-begotten Son, our Lord Jesus Christ,
grant we beseech Thee that,
through the intercession of Saint Isidore, bishop and doctor,
during our journeys through the internet
we will direct our hands and eyes
only to that which is pleasing to Thee
and treat with charity and patience
all those souls whom we encounter.
Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

J.T.Zuhlsdorf...with ecclesiastical approval

Ionesco in 50 words or less.

Romanion who moved to Paris , lived thru Vichy and became a member of the Academy Francoise. Spoke up against the regime of Ceoscoeu(sp) become a comic tragic absurdist , won a nobel , looked great in a suit . Like if Beckett took a shit .

see 34 words

They got their suppers elsewhere every night and once a month they would come to our home. Everyone else i imagine would make an effort to make a home made feast, while we ate take out and pizza , my mother assumed her cleverness would replace her food.

am i the only one who thinks that the best way of dealing with any criminal is therapy and medicatioon and rehabitliton and not 23 hours out of 24 in isolation ? Am i the only one to think that insanity clauses refuse to accept a shocking number of truly insane people ? Yeah this is about Yates a bit but alost the harder sentences and awkard wordign of the new pederast bill in the US house which refuses to differntate between a high school senior with a freshman girlfriend and a 40 year old and a 6 year old ,

I am doing my FMS term paper on films of Paul Verhoven , as genre peices. So i went to the video store today and got out show girls, starship troopers and basic instinct . I felt like a pervert. Even worse i felt like a straight pervert .

I got free tickets to Rhinos by Ionesco , via gateway and may take a fellow who seemed to be disappointed he didnt get it . I am exhausted and need to go home .

I got my philisophy paper back 1 , gave some poetry to my FS prof, edited some poetry , worked on the fag peice for gateway , eat lunch at Ratt w. the gateway folks 2,talked politics 3 said something clever 4,took the bus downtown, read some flaubert 5 and pctavio paz oput of the lirary 6 setteld into the main foyer to meet ashley and Geneve, got some new Tropical Splash Seven Up in the 600 ml bottles 7, met ashleys pop, listened to momus ping pong while looking thru a rubber clad book of fetsih photos 8, Couplands book on Vancouver 9 , the kaustenbaum bio of Andy 10, an andy adress book 11 gossipped 12 about buying one his art works 13 , got out of there by five , walked a block to future shop14 looked at cds,consideredseveral world music complations (Kyoto Modern Sounds,National Anthems,German Beer Hall) 15 decided against it wondered to the projection room in the back-the one set like a chapel but with televisons 16 , the projection screen in the nave was showing the opening scenes of pearl harbour with its acres of toned male flesh 17 , inside six televisions on the east wall were playing shrek , the ones on the east wall were featuring a docuemntary on twentih century representations of christ 18on the west wall some wwf thing 19 , stayed for a few minutes, walked past a construction site and a dull beige rip off of Phillip Johnsons a and t building

1) Still not doing as well as i should be

2) Its a resturant on the seventh floor- starlings swoop in full view of the new civil enginering buildings
.
3) mostly student union stuff, dull really

4) goatees like chinese terraces

5) Dictionary of revered thing , Bourad & Bechouchet meant to ne twined by faubert himself

6) collected poems in english and spanish

7) Seen it in two liter bottles in safeways

8) Akari was the most interesting mostly because of my knowledge of japanese rope work and its realtion to works on obis,in shinto shrines,even oragami

09) city of glass- i first read it in an hour in a socialist bookstore in gastown

10) a bit too freudian

11) i loved the national velvet silk screen, the blue background and the way the images are blocked across the 17 1/2 inch by 8 and half rectangle -the work with basquit. Neither of which i have seen

12) gossip suggests a certain tone, a name dropping archness

13)( It's a picture of him in denim, stanidng in the middle of a wheat field, set up like a 70s sears catalouges, a Bruce Weber shoot, a wyeth painting , - this perfect prarie pop signed with red vinyl letters

14) compact discs on sale cheap sometimes, i was looking for slow train coming

15) each five bucks i should have

16) a dim quiet place set aside from the flashbang of the commerce

17) i have masterbated to this scene maybe a dozen times since the 26th of december, also have a reel of Josh Hartnetts sexist moments running through my head when i am jacking off and yesterday i masterbated to Marches Vanity Fair which contained an image of Mr Hartnett in a Morroco hotel room wearing a singlet and blue jeans , between the two green boxers and a sliver of hairy belly

18)It must have been the end of a docuemntary because it featured scenes of the crucifixtions



Jacob Lawerence



chagall

and some kind of ben day thing

19) A wrestle mania that started with liberace cancaning with crimason clad show girls and followed by :

Mr Wonderful in a red brocase and silver lame robe

Rowdy Roddy Piper in a bull dog shirt

A cowboy of some sort

Muhammed Ali as refree

Hulk Hogan crossing himself



Then there was a stripping of f of t shirts and singlets, a fairly homoerotic grappling match , (watching Pippers giger chest he just may replace Josh

Take the Which Poet are You? Quiz - brought to you out of boredom and pretention!

Ethically iv always thought that the Allied were correct in their actions against the Axis in WWII but in my phil. class today i saw a docudrama on the bombing s of hamburg dresden and essen .

The bombers started small but started up quicky becoming an inferno . There were images of babies burnt black like an over done turkey . It was such a horrfying and sickening thing to see that eveb though i knew it was war footage and even though i know the hisotry , that the images were designed as propaghanda i am still sickened , i would have given up the war if i saw these images. But then agian i am a wimp

Top One Liners from WWF Weakest Links
My Breasts are as real as my my Hair

How Charming
after the Kane tried to describe his best move

I like my woman and thats it

devon, who fears he is too close to his tag time partner

He still smells Anne

on why she is voting Kane off
JR BBQ Sauce

Kane, unable to think of Nicole Kidman films
hmmmmghmhmmhg

Stone Colds Answer to being voted off

Anne: What term refers to a Buddhist Temple Pagoda or Stigmata

Kane:Temple

Words are just flowing thru me today , so far 4500 words !

spent the day writing , one feature, one cd review , d.o.a column,some poetry .

Today i got up at 9 after 3 hours of sleep. I hung out with David , watched price is right , had a peanut butter sandwhich, rushed my philo. paper down to my profs mail box. ( Its a drunken ramble) . Got a cab to the gym, had a shower, met Ashley and Geneve for lunch. Went to Chinatowmn, had shrimp wrapped in cocunut cakes , cucumber salad, green onion cakes , cocounut rice . We bought a telephone that consisted of a womans legs ( you talk into her ass) , made art from porno mags. Everyone else added , i obsfuctated , made lovely abstractions till you saw the bicep or the cock. No woman either though these were het magazines . I raided his cds so i could burn them and had supper before i went home . It felt right .

WE ARE AUTONOMUS

let me explain, 71 percent fo the university popultion thinks its cool that gateway finds itsown direction as opposed to the Student Union dictating

Last night i was supposed to go to an opening and then go home to finishalot of writing , but no , we went to the bar at 6 and dint leave til it closed down. There was much dancing and drinking and just general fucking about . I couldnt go home, so i stayed with my editor, and i spent most of the night writing . I stink, my back hurts , i need more sleep then i got , i have an interview sometime today and it doesnt matter , i am happy .

Last Night 5 people told me i wrote well, that i was clever and funny and a good guy. FIVE. I dont know what to say except i am pleased . I am missing my classes , claled iin sick, listening to the new billy bragg and just killing time .

i will never be blogger of the day , i will never have a cult following . i am okay with this because i write bitter articles for the college rag .

i am worried that a peice i wrote for the gateway is too angry, too viscous, too much like s[pitting nails till they stick like a crucifix , i cannot explain it and i sent it off , but it is the angriest i have been in a v. long time and when i started this peice as a little 150 worder about and ended up as this screed against proper faggotry , it scares me when words take over .

the poem that this blog is named for is going to be entered into a literary contest tomorrow . i worte a huge blog entry about the party last night on a soviet era east german type writer but i cannot read it . the photoshoot went well but i didnt work this weekend .

this is what i want to look like when i win a governors general award

Today i got a call to be a sunshine boy. I am thrilled and my family is mortified

Their has been a confession found where Brigham Young admitted to the Mountain Medows MAssacare. For those who aren't or weren't part of the morg this is a bit of history
120 settlers from caliofornia were killed by Natives under the direction of John Lee. This was a time fo great worry, early moromns were already forced violently out of the East ,then Kirkland Ohio and then Navouh Illionis. The early "prophets" of the church founded both kirkland and Navouh as safe havens and it was deeply disappointing that they failed at these locations. Utah looked sucessful but Buchanan who was the presdient at the time was threating to replace Brigham Young with a non mormon Andrew Cumming. He sent in martial forces w/o telling Brigham what was going on .About this time 120 emmigrants heading to California stopped in Utah for supplies , the morg was reading for a seige and didnt have much to spare. There has been controversy to this day about how much Brigham knew , now thanks to these documentts it seems everything .

Late late yestreen I saw the new moone,
Wi the auld moone in hir arme

right now there seems to be three moons .

one platinum , then a siver twin and then a white hallow .

they are nestled in the birches

the snow outside is hours old and its frigid outisde .


the scene is haunting , frosted ,

being directed by Preminger in a role that got her kicked out of hollywood ( St Joan in St Joan),
moving to Paris ,
hanging out with the Cahier de Cinema crowd,
making the most brilliant film of the french new wave entirely yours ( bout de souffle )
becoming a Maoist ,
supporting the black panthers ,
fucking a black panther ,
getting pregnant by a black panther,
having a semi legal abortion ,
be harrassed internationally by Conterlpro ( ie the FBI) ,
trying to kill yr self every birthday
succeeding on a field beside a tree lined blvd. outside paris .
Having yr corpse stay in the open topped black automobile rotting for eleven days before a local farmer finds you .

jean seberg- a diva

i think the warhol book i am in the middle of ( title's warhol , one name only darlings)

its good, writen in like a camp nasty arch bitch style that is barley contained by an academic interest
talks loads about the films and the superstars and the lovely gold boys in the early 50s .

Less gossipy then holy terror , less sex obsessed then kaustenbaum , more about Holly and Edie and Paul America as artists .

Not nearly enough about Candy Darling but thats that


And there is all this dish about pop and the ny gallery scene that i didnt know about .



Best Tidbit : When Japser Johns first saw andys studio he ignored the paintings and focused on a stack of polaroids were the first of their type , made on the legenday Landform Camera. The paintings were silk screens

The polraoids - all mens rumps . a taxonomy of hot fag ass

The Paintings- the first lizes , Gold Marylin, the Soup Cans

Second Best Piece of gossip: Most of his early work was v. v. cheap . You could buy a painting or sculpture now worth millions for 150-200 dollars . The first Brillo Boxes failed to sell at all , same with the first soup cans and the electric chairs . Only 20 people showed up to the first screening of flesh , he was the last "pop artist" to get a major ny solo show , even Wesselman got there before him