fthr stephen, confession-the list of sins was long, and odd. some metaphysical and ontological, some dealing with thoughts and no actions, some thoughts that led to action, some action. some base and some common. i was humbled and i was made clean. i want to be a proper 19th century catholic, and now with my own father confessor-im coming close.

its john wilmot and he crowns a monkey. that is all, look away now

DJ Enrightdied a few days ago, he anthologized the oxford book of death, wrote essays for the london and new york review of books, wrote humane and funny poems, and was the laurate of england with out being a twat,prat,pseud or bad poet.

birthday, good. a calm day for what i hope to be a calm year.

from fearsome

Which Founding Father Are You?

i bought a book at chapters today. it wasnt at any of the indepedents,i need to read it by tomorrow. i felt sick with guilt, the company destroying orlandos ,2nd fiddle, athabasca etc. here. conveinece over commuinty-im just as bad as the next guys.

a good teacher, uses proper material to teach children how not to hate, gets in shit

He draws all the time, when he isn't smoking and talking, which he also does a lot. He has a shrewd sense of what his drawing is worth to a greedy world: these notebooks include plenty of sketches across two pages, and are done on both sides, so "they can't tear them up" and mount them for selling one day.

Todays Gaurdian on Hockney. Andrew Morrow

it goes on to discuss how conserative he has become, not reactionary, but how calm and wonderful his images seem, and how he no longer needs to take the photos or make things bigger or more erotic or more about class and money or geography.
the image seems enough, which can be connected to his return to england from socal, originally to pose for lucien freud, he has a big well lit studio near hackney, and walks thru the park and he seems happy to be an old man coming home. this is not a bad thing.

im in the middle of a pop star crush.

You're the burning heat of a bridal suite in use
Youre the breasts of Venus
Youre King Kongs Penis
Youre Self Abuse
Censored Verse from Anything Goes
Cole Porter

thoughts:
Cole really wasnt as sophistacated about fucking as he pretended.
Is King Kong about the latent fears of Miscegantion
Breasts of Venus/King Kongs Penis- gender switch quick and fast, brilliant.

dinner good, drinks post dinner good, cake at ashleys apt. good.

Sesame Street isn't just there to make adolescent indie kids feel fuzzily nostalgic, you know - it does have an actual educational purpose!
-- Tom
on the hiv postitive muppet-ilxor.

What thou lovest well remains,
the rest is dross
What thou lov'st well shall not be reft from thee
What thou lov'st well is thy true heritage
Whose world, or mine or theirs
or is it of none?
First came the seen, then thus the palpable
from Canto LXXXI

Pounds last Cantos are heartbreaking because he recognizes the evil he committed and begs forgiveness :
That I lost my center
fighting the world.
The dreams clash
and are shattered—
and that I tried to make a paradiso
terrestre.
(notes for canto CXX)

when i talk to fr stephen he has the most tender way of dealing with me, and i do not become angry, i find myself calmed. i dont think its an obligation for him, i think he likes my company. he calls me ee cummings, and he calls dickens light reading. im meeting him next week, i think i need to say confession.

To be a conseartive christian and to be queer is impossible, i cannot change my queerness and cannot leave christ.

also the new wave aesthic was all about black and white- goddards cintemographer has said "nothing in black and white is ugly", the cinemascope pleasures of vadim were opposed to that

i am currently iming the head of the mountain goats, about poetry mostly.

i have buddies travelling all over mid america in the last month or so, and i often plug the name of their city and art musuem to look at the collections- often they have highlights instead of whole collections, but how varied and wonderful those highlights are :

Birin