http://www.acfnewsource.org/religion/faithbooking.html
go to brown wedge, i wrote about scrapbooking there.

cpp is in and i wait (call them tomorrow)
aish could take months
the shrink says its pretty useless to see her, as i am all shrinked out--i have devolped a tolerance.
two nice men from louisanna want to fuck me (i have had ad s on ok cupid, lavalife, planetout, nerve, and others--the only bite i ever got was from the big dublin daily, who ended up writing about my ad--but one week on redneck and single, i get offers...)
there may be money for be to go to portland on the 4th, and i may lead a queer worship session on the 8th in victoria, for the student xian movement.
pulled an all nighter last night, talked to andrew for an hour

a one line fuck you i gave to a show no one cares about got more press then anything else i had done on brown wedge, and from the big anglos--made me happy.

4 more books--which makes it 29. 2.9 a week....need to pick up the pace.

double targets---atwoods book of nonfiction, compulsviey readable, tenedr and kind in the right places (to marian engel, mavis gallant,carol sheilds--can lit as convent); w/o the bitchyness that invades those places) wickedly funny, bone stupid on sci fi (absurdist taxanomic somersaults mostly); wise on the nature of place and lit (including a really thorough gutting of wordsworth's view of nature)

a collection of 20th century potraits--mostly english actually, with a really bizzare basquit drawing near the back, mostly useless except it reminded me of format for 100/100 and it had a good couple of qoutes.

nick hornby song book--he is really good in places (its about the songs and labums that made his life---and its anecdotal power is strong (what he says about his son with autism, esp.) and he actually tries a critical revival of rod stewart--but its mostly too sentimental.

and a strange, fractured, unfettered alberto manguel, the master anthologist and critic--who recorded his reading for a year--tangetial, chatty, deep, funny and sexy---and it has the best lists ive read in a long time (of dectivtive fiction, of what he finds beautiful in argentina, it was like best of blog writing (nb: blog precedents:letter collections, epherma, broadsheets, diaries, common place books, horn books, pillow books, samplers)--i have some long notes on teh book---one of the best ive read so far this year:

Bakr Al-Saybb:
my room
my room
is vaster then my
tomb shall be

(he qoutes this as he compiles a library in a new place)

the anonymous reviewer of Lady Chatterlys Lover who, in the English magazine Horse & Hound, remarked that Lawerence's book contained five descriptions of the British Countryside, unfortunatley marred by certain sentiment or erotic digressions. (24)

I read yesterday in Max Brods biography that Kafkja disliked Balzac and had noted with disapproval the motto Balzac had engraved on his walking-stick: ... (I shatter every obstacle). Kafka then added his own motto "Evey Obstacle shatters me" (55)

A few days afte the tragedy, I heard of someone who had rapped that morning inside a bookstoe close to the World Trade Center. Since there was nothing to do but wait for the dust to setle, he kept on browsing through the books.... (he teases us here, not telling us what the man browsed thru) (71)

Julien Green says that, in the eighteenth century in Scotland, the word wrath kept coming up so frequently in the pulpit that a certain printer of sermons, having exhausted his rovision of Ws, was forved to use two Vs instead. (71/2)

I know Him that i've heard him mentioned, but we're not on such intimate terms that we'd play billards together. (74) (Courteline on God)

What the dective story is about is not murder, but the restoration of order
PD James (96)

...The boys misfortune, as Sancho intuits, affects u all, not in the phyiscal pain, of course, not in the empty stomach and the flogged skin, but in the realzaiton that injsutice thruves and that we (apparently) condemend o the mpossibity of overcoming it. (on his don q chapter) (168)

War sems at teh same time imminet and yet impossbile. The view of the conflict offered by the European newspapers is merely allegorical: American power n the shae of a wilful monster attacking other mosnters. Since we dont believe in dragons, the allegory is useless. An editoral in he Lonond Daily Telegraph tells that the Wold Economy requires the War Machinery" We are in the realm of ornamental capital letters. (187)

God reveals in utter lcarity that which we cannot understand; that which we can understainhd He lays out in the riddles."
apocryphal book of devotion

Tommas Ely Martinezs told me that the actress Norma Aleandro was once visiting a ranch somewhere in PAtagonia. The wealthy landowenrs, proud of their property, displayed for her many of thir treasures:valuable paintings, cermaics, books. Encouraged by Alendro's poite enthusuasim, her hosts said they should show herfavourite peice, and put a small copy of Goethe's poems in her hand. Aleandro commented on the soft , delicatly tooled binding. "Yest thats it." they saif, its bound in human skin" (153)

Hand over cash and soon you have t hem in irons
Rosseau

Freud owned a copy of Gentleman prefer Blondes

penguin released 20 great idea books, in cheap, accesable and well designed formats--2 women, no people of colour, i picked up freud--civialastion and its discontents, b/c i hadnt read it and the uncles (jaques/michel) were born from it.

they had a contest, that asked in a 100 wds or less, which of the ones changed the world the most, this was my entry:

Freud, because he ended Descartes...made us consider our brains, cocks, hearts--made us reconside how we tell stories, how we interact with those we love, those we hate and those we see on the subway.

They gave us more hard theory, more hard science, more poetry and more popular culture--it was Moses (w/o meloncholia) splitting the rock of the victorian desert--he flooded us.

(that flood--to extend the metaphor ad absurdum--was the woman in orgasm, was the woman at menses, was the mucus plug of the birth of the 20th century, and the breast milk to continue us through the weaning. It was the piss, and the shit and they glory of the end of Lawerence's Anglo watery spunk.

Freud made the unhappiness of our bodies, the unhappiness of ourselves.
He made the personal political.

His baptism liberated.

http://www.stylusmagazine.com/feature.php?ID=1512
stylus, a couple of days old-- im quite proud of it, c eddy liked it, apparently though its fucking stupid.

it is now impossible for americans to default and refinance on credit card debts, pigfucking the poor.
4 million dollars have been cut from aids education; 38 millon dollars has been given to absteince education, which doesnt help the subpopulations that are most affected.

http://richmond.indymedia.org/newswire/display/9894/index.php

i will note the odd sexual/racial/political weirdness of these naked candids from the virgina miltary insutite after i finish wanking.

(a month after the black face ones)

going thru regen projects, i find some things
http://www.regenprojects.com/files/226716aa.jpg
jack peirson striped one
http://www.regenprojects.com/files/24acdb6a.jpg
blue reflection
(i am obsessed of course, w. the colours--with the ease and looseness of the light, the all seeing commoneye of the subject matter, of the fecundity of meanings and w. the abstractness)

http://www.regenprojects.com/files/258e8973.jpg
banana make happy

http://www.regenprojects.com/files/90898423.jpg
d, look at this one--remember what i was saying about the painting and decoration school ?
her name is andrea zitter
http://www.regenprojects.com/files/cd911119.jpg
http://www.regenprojects.com/files/f6054687.jpg
cliche shot, but well composed and well directed.
http://www.regenprojects.com/files/9736ecd2.jpg
the other side of peirson, the brokeness and sadness of the hollywood optisim of the fotos above (and the rest of his wk)

and two nashville star qoutes
everyone in church has been praying for me, and i hope i do well
"we're blessed w. cell phones; so we talk all the time"

and a note to the goddess
d
perhaps as well, pencil crayons or something harder, more intense?

at the library today some man is studying something about belize, i am looking for books on william eggleston or collier schor (there are 6 of one and 0 of the other) . this town is deeply homophobic, he may be jail bait--he is absurdly, absurdly fuckable, dark hair, big arms, 5' 8"--sort of a farm fed, v. young tom cruise w/o the evil.
how do i get his cock in my mouth ?

In her first novel, The Benefactor, published in 1963, a year before "notes on camp" she wrote the following sentence: "I am a homosexual and a wrier, both of whom are professionally self-regarding and sel-esteeming creatures." Admmitley, this line occurs in the voice of her charachter, Jean Jaques" But Susan wrote the sentence not Jean Jacques. I am a homsoexual and a wrer. EAch of her books and essays constains a similar coded declaration. Sontag came out in her own way, forcibly, redpeadedly. Her seeming refusal of queer idenity may have enraged others (eg Adrieene Rich's 1975 quarrel w. Sontage --supposedly on the subject of Leni Refiensthal but covertly on the subject of femminsit and lesbian identification--on the letters page of the New York Review of Books.) But in retrosepct Sontags retience seems pictursque, contaian, and human. And it did not preclude admiration for Gay Lib, even if her theory of sexuality emphsaized the saurine, no the cheerful. Listen to her admiration of ...poet and social critic Paul Goodmans erotic fothrighness. "I admired his courage, which showed itself in so many ways--one of the most admiable being his honesty about his homosexuailty in Five Years, for which he much critized by his s traight friends in the New York intellectual world, that was six ywars ago, befoire the advent of Gay Liberation made coming out of teh clset shcic. I Liked it when he talked about himself and when he mingled his own sad sexual desires with his deisses for the polity." Sad ssexual desires? Allow Sontag that adjectives aptness.

KAustenbaum, on Sontag, ArtForum, this month.
(you know i cant type)_

i think tarintinos movies are about creation or recreation of family, and lost family--hes a little boy looking for his mother, i saw that in the band of brothers that marked resivor dogs, in the plot seekling a narative--in the hunny bunny/tim roth; in the dancing at jack rabbit slims; even in (esp. in ) how the boxer treats his girl--that scen, in the motel, with blueberry pancakes, the eroticism, the sadness and loss, is a complete and absolute refuting that tarintion doesnt care for women and doesnt care for anything but violence--it proves he is capable of honest intimacy.
jackie brown is an amazing movie, its hard and soft at the same time, it has some of the most haunting visuals, the writing is quick and surfs b/w shallow and deep. it has pam grier--and it was insane that she didnt get an oscar, because pam grier was hurt, wounded, but also looking for love, looking for a completion of family.
kill bill then, kill bill i had trouble w. i thot it was a fuck you movie, i was isolated because i didnt think of it as anymore then a formal excercise in genre, a oilipu (sp) game for explotation hacks--but then, she is looking for her father, she is murdered at her wedding, the whole movie then becomes about how women act in the world of men--and they are as tough, as brutal, as feeling and unfeeling--as real and as unreal as men. it is a grand femminist movie, and it is one of the few movies that i saw that explained the horror of rape, woman in the board room, woman as widows and orphans.(she may be called the bride, but she is a widow--and she makes people orphans and she makes people widows) (people as widows and orphans). it is also a fucking amazing movie formally, gorgeous, complicated, fracturede and seeking its own wholeness. (and its lack of wholenes,, the possiblity of sequels that do not happen...)
also, ling--who was a racist caricture in television and hollywood blockbusters, makes an accurate and emotionally raw performance, he sees things in actors that other directors have given up on. (travolata, forestor, ling, carradine)
its frustrating, b/c i find alot of these things in his source material have the complications, formal innovation and emotional sucker punching that tarintino has--but these films wont ever be in the london review of books.

alright, i am watching this for the first time in ages, and im making notes in real time, so it will be garbeled)

• the jokes about anaylsts (esp my pyschatrist(sp) only told me to trust him), is it a 50s thing, has there ever been a time where freud was ever so promient. (the constant reference to motherhood, to marriage as a rite of adulthood, does this connect--cf rock hudson and who ever played jon or even brad--the much noted irony of jon being played by the str8 actor and rock being gay) (then an agressive stare down b/w jon&rex--a thesis couldnt unpack this scene)
• ive decided to give her up on the advice of my pyschatrist
• adults again--i couldnt ask you, could you ask, oh rex we are all over 21--day is as or more agressive then hudson, making mockery of oscar levants i knew doris day b4 she was a virigin)
• when she sings darling posses me, there is this almost literal melting, with her blonde hair, whie fu, the diamonds, she becomes snow pure debauched (but not really, as the scenes afterwords esp. in the dinner)
• there has to be a first time,
• disappointed by the whole love ending
• the african american woman as greek chorus, weird minestrel moment
• can we talk about how it popularzes(sp) modernist aesthetics (esp. abex paintings)--esp. how design takes such a large part of the plot (exciting to work w. al those colours and fabrics, this is the one qouted as the largerst queer signifier (cf celluiod closet) but this scene ends with a kiss--so a str8 boi can play w. colour ?
• the painting i told you about, the end table is coming at 4 oclock, not wearing white again in the movie--the first scene after the fuck up in crimson and leopard skin (rwor)
• the colour is amazing, the costumes, the sets, the skin tones, etc--perfect for a defense of cinemascope. (an old gq had a terrence raffety article, that mocked cinemascope, that thot it vain and useless, the formalist arguements about cosmetics that baetchlor makes can be here)
• she decorates apartments, you have an apartment, you hire her to decorate your apartment
• comparing brad allen to the mumps (droll)
• the scene where they walk thru new york, like ghosts, so the city shines thrui them, from day to nite, from the un and liberty to times sqaure theaters, from purity to sin--or is that going to far?
• the bath tub scene, sexy and pure in a way no one else can be--a mirror of monroes innocence--by screen split they are naked together (doris day and monroe are much closer then we think--or the personae, against taylor of course but also mansfield and van doren)
• who did the costumes ?
• doris days hats should be considered national monumets
• somehow it reminds me of sex and the city--was that an update ? (esp. in how they treat ny--a tourist; i knew it, if you married him you would have to lvie out there--that whole monolouge)
• the shot in shot, the matching and failing to match monolouges, how they make isolation formal--or is that too intellectual
• is there an aesthetic connection to this and the rise of romance comics (some of it looks like panelling)
• i miss sophiscated comics w. booze jokes.
• is the queer signifers i see all over the place cannonical now, or did they always exist in the text ? (can we even answer that question?) (i mean the obsterics office, the upset stomach, "very devoted to their mothers, you are sick", "a little club called the hidden door") rex and allan, a mirror stage, a closet case, a question of performance, going back is there a batman/brucewayne/robin thing happening
• doing a little scoring up there
• the music that tells of the big discovery (the big discovery scene is told entirely by music) makes it as insanely dramatic as hitchcock, veritgo, etc---the high drama used for the domestic, the hi/lo is the best example is camp. (but camp is poltical and this v. much isnt---the xylophone afterwords, the tears, the preistly collar on john, the phyiscal distance, a different kind of melting)
• i want a montage of movies from the 50s, with hidden little clubs that turn to be decadent (esp. w. connection b/w race--its what made in heaven spoke the best of)
• i want a montage of smarmy desk clerk scenes (alan cumming in ews)
• broadway--are there any connections b/w doris day in this and lana turner in imitation of life? (or rock hudsom)
• could this be remade, w. whom ?(has it been--down w. love/the nathan lane bette middle one--the only problem, of course is the party line)
• its more ribald then i thot it would be.

six poems (twombly)
for drm


i
tulips

im walking w/o an umbrella

tired, cold
bored, wet

avoiding my room
so onto the corner grocery

tulips behind glass
smear of red/orange
green stems

buy a dozen--
and im disappointed.
they dont live up to promise

ii
(cattulus)

near the edges of a body
there is a a spot
of white light

right in the middle

a roan rabbit punch to
the solar plexus

iii

june
in vancouver

the faberge gallery
of an old bank

standing in front of
6 pictures of roman poets
then looking up,

the blue of sky,
the odd white cloud
the ring of gold
on the robins dome

the 6 paintings
with smear of chalk,

there is a certain perfection
of placement

and a c ertain gap,
where meaning goes
and form rises

a slight of hand,
that only occurs
in the proper light.

iv
the middle of winter
the snow will never disappear

piling around,
mountains in mall parking lots

bridging the corners of streets
when it melts, the lakes of slush

its shit brindle, its cold,
the salt destroys yr shoes

the mess settles somewhere
b/w her fifth and sixth vertabrae

its a pile of pigeon of shit
on yr shoulders,
its a boxcoffinapairy
and the buzzing deafens you.

v
when you were
a kid, and you were really angry
at some injustice,
you coloured loud and hard
till the paper broke--

imagine that you kept going
you kept reading,
you saw
other people's paintings

rape stopped becoming
seduction

the world never turned out fair
mens stories become dangerous

the marks have the same chaos
as a child
but w. an adults rending

vi

it doesnt matter
how many classes you have
how many degrees youve piled up

it doesnt matter how well
you try to make everything
about colour or line

everything becomes a narrative
there is a little failure
in our not realizing.

life is not bad, aside from all the drama--
because i have lilliput eggs. and there colours make me happy.

(drama:mom is sick, really sick--so sick she is considering
assisted living and her stubborness mirrors mine in that she
will not give up autonomy to a larger beorcracy. (sp) )

and she lied to me, she underplayed it--plus she is getting an
allowance from my grandmother, and so is my father--but im not.

which is bothering me/

the one lifestyle that i seem to think is morally wrong is monogomy, so i become a cruel anthropolgist when i encounter it.

i can imagine more, when people want to dress up as wolves and wrestle, then when a boy and girl, who never had sex before get married and agree to spend the rest of ones lives together.

i cannot imagine that it would reach happiness.
but i do admire the purity.

http://ilx.wh3rd.net/thread.php?msgid=5549879
first link on the ilx thead is a gian machine shredding giant things like boats and cars and fridges and washing machines, its amazing.

EDIT: deleted, because of issues of confidentiality.

i think i finally understand the concept of a guilty pleasure, and it is toby keith. listening to his greatest hits album (second volume)--- i have to remind myself that im a post modernist, im supposed to view claims towards authenticity, esp. emotional authenticity, as immediately suspect but i do find him deeply "authentic" his complex narratives of the sex lvies of suburbs and his politics are infused with this fuck you grace and he raps
last week, i took out this bonnie prince billy album and replaced it with this just bought toby keith--it felt weirdly symbolic

uf zur disko: how do you reconcile that with his homophobia/republican stance?
(hes not really homophobic--but someone called country poor folx cnn--and you ge an impression of the politics of empire in a really interesting way, a way you dont even get in the new republic) and it feels naughty and transgressive, like hipsters reading vice plus i connect emotionally to alot of the pure schmaltz sentiment in things like the list--i have a deep seated desire for domseticity that i dont find anywhere else, and it takes jesus seriously--its theologically complex.

but thats all justifying something that i shouldnt really be listening to

a list of (http://outsports.com/nfl/2005/0301nflshopnaughtywords.htm) the things you cannot get custom printed on the back of nfl jersey--the list is a collection of found american poetry, a canon of dirty words, taboos and other social controls. it is brilliant.
these are my favourites.

1 Anal Annie (imagine the musical...)
2 Ass Cowboy (my new nickname?)
3 Ass Clown (make-up?)
4 Ass Monkey (i call him joesph, hes a bonobo, and he reaches where no man ever could)
5 Axing the Weasel (huh?)
6 Ballliker (the three ls have now killed fonix)
7 bumblefuck (sweet really, like what two 14 yr olds do on a river bank)
8 the 8 spellings of bulldyke
9 carruth (huh?)
10 cock cowboy (the lost masterpiece of john scheslinger)
11 cockqueen (elizabeth, phillip)
12 Cum Quat (think fruit)
13 the 5 spellings of dixie dyke (insert own joke about going down south)
14 dome (huh?)
15 the 4 spellings of drag queen (esp. qween) (elmer fudd in drag)
16 floggin the dolphin (but not the other thousand or so amusing euphisms for wanking)
17 gay motherfuckin queer (english 10 should use this as an example of hyperbole)
18 glazed donut (can some one expalin if this is an obscure sexual fetish i dont get)
19 the two spellings of hen house
20 horsejob (schemga beans for everyone)
21 jesus christ (devoution is its own reward)
22 k mart (twice, in fact)
23 Kum Qaut (they are citrus racists)
24 the three spellings of man paste (sticky)
25 neon deon (football ref i dont get)
26 purina princess (see glazed donut, but nice cossancece)
27 pussy pounder (cossance)
28 sex farm (paging dr ellis)
29 shawty slim (football ref.)
30 skank fuck (its so hatefull, those triple ks --fun to sa y in its horrid ugliness)
31 sperm herder (cf woody allen)
32 sodomite (cause its so old fashioned and sweet)
33 swinging dixx (the two x's)
34 swingin dixx (the lack of g)
35 swgn dixx (the desperation)
36 tit bit nipply (god is this so fun to say, i have become aspie w. this)
37 tounge tramp (cossance)
38 tounge thruster (cossance)
39 trots (geman schiese video)


raymond, use some of these now!

Supposedly during a recording session for one of the movies,
Elvis requested that the backing vocalists join him. Someone pointed out that in
the flick, he'd be riding a motorcycle down the road while singing this
particular song. Where were the singers supposed to be?
"The same damn place the band is," Elvis answered.

Rickey Wright on ilx