fiction ahoy

six: a volume of mr paul, i bought this, but not sure why, the art is fantastic, with some really sweet and gentle line work, and the story moves along alright, and aside tom a few examples of casual racism, its inoffensive, but mostly its kind of dull

five where the truth lies--rupert holmes, a fantastic example of his hollywood trash, i took it out after watching the egoyan movie, egyons adpatation was much more clever, he made it closer, more paronid, and v. much about the aesthetic implicaitons of modernism, with the scenes in deco miami hotel rooms and LA glass block mansions working together to push a story of murder/desire (an essay is to be written about his use of third spaces, egoyans, in this film the hotel, tv studio, casino, parks, offices, as compared with the private spaces, homes and such, that seem more open. anyways, the novel was pretty close to the film for the first third, then holmes became less economic and more conventional, and moved into a standard ellroy lite dective story...i dont want to give away any more of the plot, but the main differencee b/w the film and the book was two set peices in disneyland, which made the plasticity appealing...

four the push broom man, one of the better drawn, better constructed, books i have read, brilliant paced, but almost all of the stories feature various desperate men raping and murdering their lovers, who tend to be geishas, or whores or something in b/w...the vile misogyny should be noted.

in calgary, spent the last few days (friday, sat. sun) actually relaxing, i did no work, and only sent half a dozen emails.

notes:

bus ride down, saw two people get drunk on cheap, hidden beer.
walking out, saw a kid get manhandled, cuffed, for narcotics, while a buddhist monk waited on the sidelines
found castles brilliant anthology of lesbianism for 35 bux, at mcnally robinson, then went over and spent way to much for dinner (saltlik: aspargus in guyere, blue cheese crumbled small porterhouse, baked alaska (!), a manhattan (much discussion at the bar over this, but they got it right, first time the mixer mixed it, but brilliant and the two cheeries in the bottom of the glass might be my favourite pleasue), a strong glass of fairly undry chilean cabernat, and a glass of tawny sherry (20 years old) but the best was the alaska, melty, icey, warm, gooey, the textures, and the narrative of the textures (as things melted, or thawed, etc they changed) the center was pistachio ice cream, and the base was a really thick, choclate torte
staying with thomas, huge house on the very edge of calgary, basically the suburbs, but realtivley nice.
conversations with barb and gramma about some things, gramma has broken her pelvis and even in the hospital she managed to get her digs on (this was the great thing, that said, i didnt really care, im slowly learning that as long as improud of what i am doing, then fuck em all---barb picked me up in a black mercedes, leather interior, a little cocoon of fuck you money, and it was a nice ride, and they redid their house in yuppie chic, cork floors, granite counter tops, lots of exposed wood, viking range and stove...all three kids in private school, and i was comfortable there...chip needeled me about finding work, and for a second i feelt guilty, but i figured,i dont have to, and i am doing other things, patience.
went today to toms church, alliance on the end of town, blank, communion was welshes and a ritz cracker, and the sermon qouted as much narnia as jesus (it had a powerpoint side show, too---to jesus thru powerpoint), then we went to lunch and the zoo, mcdicks for lunch, which wasnt my choice, though the zoo was completely revived , with massive new buildings, and more intergrative experinces for the animals, saw many, my favourite being the african land snails the size of ones fist...though i note with much sadness and mourning, the lack of llamas and wombats. though they had wallabies. we must vanquish cedrics forces.

im tired, exhausted really, but happy.

supercute
chinese childrens book, of klashinkovs, tanks, and other such weaponery.

transgendered deer


why the ny post has a radical, economic sense of poetry


excerpt from the 7th volume of Bob Mizner's AMG guides

a police report commisoned by the muncipal government, suggests that chicago's police are as corrupt as ever.

screeners at newark airport in new jeresy, missed 20 out of 22 potential tests at a recent saftey test

"How's your boy?" Bush asked, referring to Webb's son, a Marine serving in Iraq.

"I'd like to get them out of Iraq, Mr. President," Webb responded, echoing a campaign theme.

"That's not what I asked you," Bush said. "How's your boy?"

"That's between me and my boy, Mr. President," Webb said coldly, ending the conversation on the State Floor of the East Wing of the White House.


story here

LDS outsider sculpture garden

Amazing pictures of Congolese Dandies, who call themselves: Société des Ambianceurs et des Personnes Élegantes. Brazzaville. Republic of Congo. found here

porn cartoon from the mid 1920s

great la times take down of the pure bullshit streaming from McCains mouth

annual list of toys that will take yr eyes out

great sign and campaign against sercterianism in lebanaon, low key, funny, and kind of deep

Singles I Forgot, Non Country:

Gnarls Barkley "Crazy"
Justin Timberlake "Sexyback"
Jo Jo Too Little Too Late
We Ride Rhinnana
Lying is the Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking her Clothes Off (gp)
When You Were Young--Killers

Albums, etc
Kelis (...was Here)

media, dissemination, war, and control: 19 attempts towards an unesay resoultion

1) walter cronkite
2) where exactly is the microphone
3) film as american propghanda
4) film as north vietnam propghanda
5) AP, Life Magazine, and Freelance
6) reclaiming corperate media, the case of the AWC
7) Ronald L. Haeberle, and his two cameras, a fable
8) the history of CNN before white house access
9) CNN and Libya
10) CNN and the bombing of Baghdad
11) Sontag and the aesthetics of staged conflict
12) Baudiallard and Nintendo
13) The rise of digital technology
14) Abu Gharib
15) Abu Gharib and Propghanda
16) Now Thats Fucked Up, Anti-Syphillis Posters, and Thantos/Eros
17) The GQ situtation
18) Rumsfield, and flag draped coffins
19) Conculsions

AnthonySEaston (11:19:23 PM): would you like to know an odd fact about augistine adn christs foreskin
theminorthirds (11:20:02 PM): did he eat it?
AnthonySEaston (11:20:21 PM): he thought that the entirity of orignial sin was centered there,
AnthonySEaston (11:20:37 PM): so the circumscion meant that he didnt have original sin
AnthonySEaston (11:21:04 PM): i dont know if that was for all people, or about the implications of it before the three days
theminorthirds (11:21:08 PM): one of the odd things is that jesus is born with his foreskin!
AnthonySEaston (11:21:55 PM): arent we all
theminorthirds (11:22:12 PM): not according to jewish tradition
theminorthirds (11:22:32 PM): some of the patriarchs are born without -- i think joseph was?
AnthonySEaston (11:25:31 PM): i wonder what that means?
theminorthirds (11:27:18 PM): oh the idea is that god has no foreskin, circum is to make one like god, closer to his image, and those who are born without are closer to god
AnthonySEaston (11:27:46 PM): textual cites?
theminorthirds (11:28:12 PM): pure midrash

this review of the tiptree bio by farah mendelhson postulates that triptree might have been transsexual, but uses the word transgendered and spends a fair amount of time talking about bodies and phyiscal acts related to those bodies...i think that it is fair to call mr tiptree transgendered b/c of how he both claimed a male nomenclature, and constructed a life of comfort in traditioanlly masculine fields, including SF and the CIA. (or to put it another way, we should stop assuming the only way of transgressing gender is assuming sex, the liminal spaces b/w alice shedlon and james tiptree wre queer enough w/o needing to idenitfy her soley as a lesbian or stone butch etc)

pitbulllovein a 26 year old white male from Virginia, with an interest in naked chicks, fast cars, and airbrush art, added me to his contact list on flickr...i think b/c of the pickup truck project.

bionic taxideremied robot deer

amazing story about a top 40 singer, who's entire career is on someone elses voice...thats why i like pop, simulacra ahoy. (the rest of the blog is good too

tabitha vereers paints women fucking shellfish, using acrylics and shells. the best thing about the work though, is the statement

Billboard critical of US Foriegn polciy, palced on soem of the most touristy sections of beachfront...some feature abu gharib photos


Rachel Ray, Sexuality, and the Cult of the Domestic--someone write a masters thesis, now


All-New Atom #8 Cover by Ladrönn, the comix blogosphere is all in a tizzy about the cock, but i like it because
a) its so fucking weird
b) it reminds me of fred tomaselli:
(tomaselli is one of those guys i really like, because his work is really pretty adn quite decorative, but i dont like the writing that surrounds it, and im sure if i thought about the work itself for more than a few seconds, i would have truoble with it)

Benedict tries his hand at christology, titling the book The Newer Testement, choice qoute:
The biography seeks to refute modern interpretations of Jesus as nothing more than a revolutionary and moral teacher. These interpretations are confusing to the faithful, Benedict said.
its being published by Rizolli, who did that other great work of 20th Century Moral Philosophy Koons Made in Heaven


Robert Adams, from the new west seires

the epilpsy foudnation points out that cops like to taser people who are seizing

Sister Rita Steinhagen. a woman who loved justice, peace, christ, and mercy, who got arrested for protesting nuclear facilities, who wrote vehmently against war, and loevd to fish, died a few days ago...

soviet propghanda tapestries:
Ugandan filmmaker Ashraf Simwogerere recently kidnapped, some think for political reasons, teh stories ambigious and would make a great film on its own

got the seqaul to waugh's gay graphix b4 stonewall today, and it had more happyface, among other work, and though i am glad to have the extra drawings, esp for 10 bucks, and the writing is the personal, catty, queer, and academic melange that i have come to expect, the work is clearly second rate, as for the happyface drawings, they had a definite working drawing for larger compoistion feeling, and the briliance of staging, and graphic narrative building was absent. the other work was charming in its incompetence, though i might fix this opinon when i spend more time with the book.

my meeting with marcus went really really well...he loved the ford idea

Ruscha Package:
In 1977 Ed Ruscha made a drawing that consisted solely of the text: Will 100 Artists Draw A 1950 Ford From Memory. In the summer of 2006, The Gagosian gallery advertised a show in Art Forum, using this drawing. A week after I saw that ad, I contacted Gagosion in New York City, and asked permission to use the drawing for a show. I wanted to actualize the drawing, work on finding 100 artists to draw that Ford. Ed Ruscha gave me permission; I started to find my artists.

I want to figure out what each of those words mean, can memory be about what you saw in a movie, or stories of your parents first car, or whatever the cultural platonic ideal of this machine is? (Is it even a car? I have seen plenty of trucks)

I also want to extend the identity of the category “artist”. Here I include graffiti workers, comics creators, illustrators of all kinds, in addition to those in the gallery system.

Lastly, I am asking what drawing means. Drawing has become popular, because the defining characteristics have become more ambiguous, mostly because it never maintained the historical supremacy of painting of sculpture. So even the most ardent minimalists, the people who considered painting dead, drew. In this way, Ruscha, with his conceptual/linguistic heritage, makes an all American koan.

The show is a challenge to Ruscha as well, he asked for 100 artists to be asked, he did not require the work itself. By completing the task to a degree farther then expected I want to return to the importance of mark making, to out-conceptualize the conceptualists.

Note on Installation:

I want a room as close to the white cube as possible. On two facing walls, I want one of them to have the 100 drawings pinned to the wall, unframed and unmated. On the opposite wall, facing the 100 drawings, I want Ruscha’s work to be framed, matted, and centered. I want the installation to be passive aggressive, an aesthetic facing off.

listening to the recently remastered double cd judy at carnegie, i understand why it was such a cultural touchstone, but the sheer discomfort at denial, obsession, bad singing, and things left unsaid, make me wonder exactly how little she knew, or how much...its not as much of a bad performance as one of total and complete emotional honesty, when the only thing left to be honest about is her own theatricality...

does that make it punk?

sexy soap ad fantastic animation, with some really funny details...

perfect
vernauclar modernist suburban home, in atlantic highlands nj, i think including furniture, only for 675k...the photos are worth it too, look at this:


czech prefab, looking like a house, as opposed to a container, and gorgeousl well light, shutterd windows, and bright orange...
click to see floor plans, and 6 or so other pictures



more info here the gentleman's name is Bryan Kerrigan, his moving from art to craft, from design to aesthetics has a really complicated give and take. it looks good on gallery walls, and attaches to the history of faux bois, pop, minimalism, etc---it could be french from the 17th century or it could be some kind of mccracken/judd thing. it makes me happy

Michiko savages the new pynchon

can anyone find teh video of this incident in iraq, got pulled from youtube


casual cruelty, and an example of american privelege, with soliders and iraqi kids

jocelyn widelnstein papparazzi footage, her face, as somehow gotten worse

a book of essays on uncle michel and theology

some nice carvings of wax crayons

jerry saltz reviews the new yusakavage(sp), very carefully

Derrick Williams bought a donut robot on ebay, i want a donut robot

some brilliant language based conceputal art from brazil, including the neimier font

sent 15 ed ruscha emails today

CNN

73 last real functioanl involvement in vietnam
75 fall of saigon
80 CNN
81 CNN lawsuit to allow them into the presidental press corps
86 Libya
91 GWI

how did the dissemnation of electronic information morph and change in the last 5 yrs


qoutes

from Mass Media and American Foreign Policy: Insider Perspectives on Global Journalism and the Foreign, Patrick O'Heffernan, 41: (1991)

Dennis Ross, Middle east staff specialist, in the reagon NSC, a forgein policy adviosr to VP Bush, during the 88 presidental election campaign...
CNN reports if something is happening now, where you are getting a lot more from CNN then what yuo are getting from your own sources. That is something that has a realtivley short life however...when ships would be hit, some of the CNN reports were very accurate sometimes it turned out not to be true...

from War and American Popular Culture: A Historical Encyclopedia, M. Paul Holsinger
443, 1999

CNN's greatd coup came immediately beforea dn during teh persian gulf war. After George Bush ordered AMerican plans to bomb baghdad on the evening of 1/16/91 CNN anchorman Bernard Sha, John Holliman , Peter Arnett adn their crew were able to tranmist the first pictures to the paitning world..the three major networks were outmanoveraed adn certainly outbroadcast by cnn...

Live, Instatenous, continous, international--these broadcast charestic have given the networkan infulence in world affairs taht extends far beyond the number of viewers...
(CNN vs Fox viewers)

1) though all of those things may be true of CNN, its role is finaned by large amoutns of cash, and mantains power.
2) being used by bush, then clinton, gives it the role of a defacto tool of the state, there is a tense waltz between information and dipolomcy, b/w soft and hard power, b/w what will gaurentee them access and what makes good tv
3) as shit gets cheaper, and the american empire exapands, eventually everyone will have media that is more live, more instentous, more continous, more international, there will be less gatekeepers
4) though CNN is faster, and more responsive then tradtional news media, it is not fster then (and so its role will fall back on seeking authourity and analysis
5) lbj read the papers, but the papers had less access then the tv does, and elss ubiquity.
6) the idea of cnn as packaged, as the theater of war becoming cinematic, etc (standard chomsky left line)


It has often been noted that the golbal expansiveness of...CNN into different world regions required a flexible and adpatable local identies. As David Morley and Kevin Robimns note CNN's dystopian goals aof global grwoth adn control proved difficult to sustain as teh nework grew and "encountered the real world, the world of already exisitng and established markets and cultures" AS it increased its golbal reach, CNN ffound it nessc. to increase collabratons with reigional partners in an effort to "econile golbal ambitons with local complexities"
from
Ambient Television: Visual Culture and Public Space By Anna McCarthy

(compare artnetts interview with fullaci(sp)'s interview with the shah, and the later interview with Jennings in 2005?)

To Read:
Bernard Cohen, the Press adn Foreign Policy
DisInfo Press, You Are Being Lied to, etc
War and American Popular Culture: A Historical Encyclopedia By M. Paul Holsinger
Satellite Realms: transnational television, globalization and the Middle East By Naomi Sakr
American Hegemony: Preventive War, Iraq, and Imposing Democracy By Demetrios Caraley

de kooning, from the geffen collection, sold for 138.5,

Step 1:Put your iTunes/MP3 player on random.
Step 2: Post the first line(s) of the first 20 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song.
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song and artist the lines come from.
Step 4: Strike out the songs when someone guesses correctly.
Step 5: NO CHEATING
(anglo only, just cause i cant transcribe (choose a languge)

1) I heard there was a secret chord that david played and it pleased the lord
2) We she dont wake up and call my name anymore
3) yodel noise, i am the lonely goat herd, yodel nosie
4) (live chatter) Rufus is a tit man/sucking on his mama's gland
5) Cant you tell my love is growing
6) Give it to me, Dont Give it away, Dont think about what the others say
7) burning up, burning up, barley getting trained up
8) like a bird on the wire, like a drunk in a midnight choir
9) i know a place where the whistle blows, and the brakeman calls the shots
10) friday nights and the lights are low, looking out for a place to go, where they play the right music,
11) the trolley goes fast, life goes slow
12) hey tiffany, hey rocco, do you want to go down to the shore or what
13) the last thing i remember is saying hey guys watch this
14) shake shake shake senoria, shake yr body line
15) the cathedral in cologone looks like a spaceship, like the hand of god falling from the sky
16) love is a burning thing, and it makes a firey rign
17) some nights i lust for real blood, for real knives, for real cries
18) (john peel noise) today is gonna be the day that yr gonna throw it back to you
19) i wish that i had sold suits to buy that
20) wompa bam balloobomp

notes on the first 9 pages of the document

!) the whole we have to be nice to be fags, dont be mean to fags, introduction is nice, and gives me hope, and then it kicks me in the balls, all this natural law bullshit, the qouting of paul and romans--this v. protestant desire for sola scriptura (i know that natural law isnt really ss)...i keep wondering, what happened to the searching, heart renching, prayerful moving thru the tradition, that has occured over the last few decades

2) fundamentally, i dont think that g-d, in her infinite mercy, blessed be her name, creates us in categories, says you are man, you are woman, you are homosexual, you are heterosexual, i think that she creates people, you are beloved in my creation, so that this idea, that tab a only fits into slot b, denies the majesty and diversion of creation...and also, the sense that there are no immoral people, only immoral acts.

3) and then, of course, they kind of argue this same way, i am not sure they have fully decided the people vs acts controversy, so the language is really unstable, homosexual could mean same gendered sexual act, acts, patterns, behavioural molds, desires, or idenity...and they conflate it---so the man who has sex with men is the same as the woman who has sex with woman is the same as the man who has sex with a woman in a socially prescribed way but uses controception is the same as the 90 per c ent of the world that masterbates.

4) i believe in the holy potential of orgasms, i believe that the orgasms you have by yourself and the orgasms you share with people can be acts that connect to pleasure, to yr lover, to yr body, and yr self, and this is what makes me most sad about the document, is that it isnt really different from the history, but denies that the body can be a way of transcendence, that the xtc of the body works in counterpoint with the xtc of the soul

5) homosexual inclinations are not sinful, but acting on it is...the conference tells us to be chaste, but they dont mean chaste. i believe that sometimes we give the gifts back to god, for safekeeping, as a sacrifice, and i believe that celibacy is like fasting, or alms--and i also belive that we should be chaste, but chasitity isnt not fucking, it is constructing your sexuality with an ethically rigous standard, it is being loving, open, true, honest, genorous, free of anger, all of the things that are spoken about in corinthians, thats being chaste...(ie 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.) its the one that is mentioned all over weddings, its a cliche now, but the verses before and after it, about how all of the power of god is castrated, silenced, made null and void w/o love is teh impt bit---this is nto a loving document

6) they say that those who claim homosexual inclination are not good, that the only good the penis, the vagina can do, is to create more children. i dont have an opinon on that, but i know that the penis, the vagina, the mouth, the hand, the anus, fused and merged can be good, the act of sexuality is the most powerful gift we have, it moves us like the temple in jersulum, like samson, it destroys us and rebuilds us--when it is used for abuse, people are never the same, and when it is used for lvoe, it restores, the tenderness, of flesh into flesh, on flesh, is an act that comforts, that prevents grief, stops tears...i think of all the sex that happened after 9/11 and i think of rape that occurs in war, and i think that our bodies use the gifts of gods creation to do acts of mercy as well as the do acts of evil...they are stuck on this gay straight wrong right and do not think of the love and mercy of two bodies, i keep coming back to cohen here, beautiful losers of course, but also a song called true love leaves no traces--as the mist leaves no scar upon the hill/my body leaves no scar upon you and never will...true love leaves no traces as you and i are on. it continues, but i keep thinking that he obv means true love in all capabilites, agape and eros and everything else, and how at that point the ego disappears, adn the self is sublimated, and thats the point of christendom for me, not the destruction of the body but the absorbotion of all bodies into a mystical wholeness

7) maybe the problem, is that they assume that "the divine gifts of creation" can only mean babies, that "the divine gifts of creation" arent art, or music, or memory or bad teenage poetry, or hank williams singing lost highway, or that andy warhol print with the bodybuilding ad being a metaphor for transubstation or that painting of carvarggio i keep going back to, the one with him and thomas--or any of the other great mystical texts, or personal favourites that we keep coming back to, the scripture and tradtion that sustains it--we want to talk about the gospel itself:
is the miracle of the loaves of fishes not a divine act of creation, or the story of christ with the clay bird turning into a real bird that the koran and the gospel of thomas shares, we come from a whole tradtion, from john 1:1 onwards, to jerome, to the scholastics, to all the nuns and fathers who did not have children, and found in them the need to create, that the divine gifts of creation came to them, via the holy spirit, and led us to where we needed to go...the thing is that it doesnt have to be limited, bach's music is as much a testament to "the divine gifts of creation" as were his 20 children. Luther speaking so lovingly of his wife,
"There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion, or company than a good marriage." says as much as his sermons--that there is one way to receive those gifts limits the infinite glory of the divine

8) it keeps telling us that its the acts, italics adn everything, and reading it, i am supposed to be heartened that they dont hate what i do, just what my dick does, who i am is okay, but what my dick does isnt...the church, even after the radical theology of the body, that the last pope instituted, cannot get over the fact that what my dick does, what i fantasise about, who i love, and who i fuck is as vital to who i am as what my soul does, what i pray about, and who i pray for...my goal as a being with a soul and a realtionship to christ, however tennous that realtionship is, is to intergrate, to make myself whole, adn then offer myself up to him, the church wants a tattered remanant, christ wants my whole body, he would prefer it ethical, and together, but he wants my wholeness...

9) it compares hthe disorder of homosexuality to other sins, to the sins of "envy, malice and greed". when i asked for forgiveness for those sins, i was sent back to sex...the thing for me, what is black in my heart is pride, casual cruelty, dishonesty, being unintegorus, and refusing the comminturain ethic required of us by christ. i work on those things, backslide, and work again, one of these days sisphyus is going to get that rock up that fucking hill, and even if he doesnt, the work is the thing, its the process and not the resualt, the conversation and not the documetn at the end of it, and what makes me upset, is not only that i fail so often, but that i get distracted. do you think that the pope refusing a humble, broken approach to islam is a sin of envy, do you think that watching kids die of AiDS in China, Malawai, Brazil is a sin of malice, do you think that the increasing gap of poverty in the united states where this document was written, is a sin of greed...what do you think that Christ, may his holiness be proclaimed, would want us to spend time on--the occasional act of cock sucking, or that a qauter of americans dont have health care? Desmond Tutu, said about this:"sn't it sad, that in a time when we face so many devastating problems – poverty, HIV/AIDS, war and conflict – that in our Communion we should be investing so much time and energy on disagreement about sexual orientation?""

10) this is a benedict document, because he makes a swipe at ethical realtivism, claiming that catholics have a solid base of morality, and that anyone who claims that morality is cultural guidelines, does nto udnerstand the full position of the church. its a valid point, its the thing i have the hardest time with, i think that the natural order of the divine centers around a seeking of justice and mercy. the parable of the widows mite comes to mind or the moneychangers, where what is assumed to be the natural order of god, is found to be a seekin of security in corrupt and moribund instatutions. christ loved his traditions that he learnt from mary and joesph, we celebrate his circumsion, and the night before he died, he celebrated passover...but when the tradition stifled justice or mercy or love or devotion to a higher ideal, he healed the sick or pulle the ox from the mire. i know that this is not quite the same, like how a lirtugy repeats the same ideas, in subtle varrations, the committee repeats, builds, reconnects, and slowly moves forward, but this idea of natural order, the idea that there is a platonic ideal, should be moulded and moved when mercy is required of us

11) they approach thearpy to cure fags...i dont think it works, i havent seen any examples of it working, but i have seen same gender attracted men, who have had children, i think that the assumption that one can move, is difficult, if not impossible, but i think the idea that one is open for the gifts that are offered to us, thats one of the things about being queer, and that this essay does not approach, sexuality is a living water, that flows, creates, finds holes and hollows, makes eddies and pools. one can create damns, and canals and culverts for the water to flow thru and in, but it has to go somewhere, and sometimes that somewhere is a place of rage, exhaustion, and destruction of families...children should be wanted, and not an obligation, and marriage should be entered into with the severity of sacramental acts...marrying and having kids out of shame is a sin of cruelty, and a refusal of that sacrament, (and well really here, i am a sinner, with my lack of mass, and my lack of praying (though this is a prayer) (and they say that the causes of homosexuality cannot be determined, but all sexuality cannot be determiend, like hope, faith, grace, love, beauty, like all gifts from teh divine, it is msterious and we do not deserve it)

12) after the talk of therapy, they go thru xian therapy, the raising of virtues, and they mention four being temperate, brave, just, or prudent--these are good virtues, underplayed in a culture of excess, irony, and pastiche--they require a balance, a desire towards clarity... i am not temeprate, i am scared, i fail to be just, and i lack prudence. all sins can be vices if carried to excess, being temperate can mean a refusal to take a stand, being brave can mean being a bully, being just can mean being cold to human suffering, and being prudent means being unaware when genuine radical change is needed. these are safe virtues, about maintaing power, a lot of the time, where is meekness, humilty, tenderness, and mercy...why are we not preaching on doubt, temper the postions, that you have here, make them complex, make them live

13) there is the assumption that "pervesive human suffering" comes from the lack of morality. i see more morality, more restrictions, more tendencies towards repressive authrotian action, lately, i think we are unhappy because we are not trusted, treated like adults, treated with suspicion and anger instead of openness. the idea that if you just learn to behave, and be a good boy and you will be happy frightens me. i think that it is not a lsit of spec. sin that causes unhappiness, but suffering, and we will suffer, because we are born sinners, and i think that it our duties as christians to alleivate that sin, to find the best ways to clean wounds, and shit, and wipe tears away, set bones, sew up wounds, feed and visit and make it better...more prescriptions, more seeking of power isnt going to do it, as uncle michel says:Confession frees, but power reduces one to silence; truth does not belong to the order of power, but shares an origincal affinity with freedom...

Am i enough of a masochist to read all 26 pages of the us conference of catholic bishops Ministry to Persons With a Homosexual Inclination: Guidelines for Pastoral Care?

also, im obsesed with the well contained, slightly gothic, sexual tension here