i just did a quick check to figure out if i talked about chris who is in my sex and marriage class, before i gave him the url, vis a vis a conversation we had at the tail end of this class,
nice guy-painfully nice guy, in that understated, complex, smarter then a whip, knows where is going, not really ego filled way.
and to continue my pattern.
he likes girls.
so if he reads this, will he fuck off, will he add a comment, will he talk about it with me ?
(the realization about god:
i am being called by god.
i am not being called by the church.
this has given me a deep feeling of isolation.
this sense of isolation i think has stayed for good.
the course is strange, all b/g g/b, so i have to insert my queer ass in there, and its difficult, a whole class about men talk like this and girls talk like that--some of it applied, esp. to bryan but then he plays at the whole butch leather girls wanna fuck me jag.
i wonder if it applies to pat ?
Tuesday, September 30, 2003
Monday, September 29, 2003
yesterday we met two girls at the grocery store, brought their groceries home and then sat on their couch smoking dope.
i am beginning to think that me not having anything in the gateway for two weeks is personal. (i have three stories in, fuck it might even be three weeks)
made a realazation about god.
i am beginning to think that me not having anything in the gateway for two weeks is personal. (i have three stories in, fuck it might even be three weeks)
made a realazation about god.
Friday, September 26, 2003
'Vagina' Sonnet
Is 'vagina' suitable for use
in a sonnet? I don't suppose so.
A famous poet once told me, 'Vagina's ugly.'
Meaning, of course, the sound of it. In poems.
Meanwhile he inserts his penis frequently
into his verse, calling it, seriously, 'My
Penis'. It is short, I know, and dignified.
I mean of course the sound of it. In poems.
The whole thing is unfortunate, but petty,
like my hangup concerning English Dept memos
headed "Mr/Mrs/Miss" - only a fishbone
In the throat of the revolution -
a waste of brains - to be concerned about
this minor issue of my cunt's good name.
–Joan Larkin
mefi
Is 'vagina' suitable for use
in a sonnet? I don't suppose so.
A famous poet once told me, 'Vagina's ugly.'
Meaning, of course, the sound of it. In poems.
Meanwhile he inserts his penis frequently
into his verse, calling it, seriously, 'My
Penis'. It is short, I know, and dignified.
I mean of course the sound of it. In poems.
The whole thing is unfortunate, but petty,
like my hangup concerning English Dept memos
headed "Mr/Mrs/Miss" - only a fishbone
In the throat of the revolution -
a waste of brains - to be concerned about
this minor issue of my cunt's good name.
–Joan Larkin
mefi
Thursday, September 25, 2003
Former BBC presenter and champion of liberal causes Sir Ludovic Kennedy has denounced the increasing number of black faces appearing on television programmes as "political correctness [that] has got completely out of hand".
Story here here Black means east asian mostly. he wants the number of blacks on tv to be exactly matched with population, which i find strange at best.
Story here here Black means east asian mostly. he wants the number of blacks on tv to be exactly matched with population, which i find strange at best.
sean thinks im an eliteist for thinking its odd that its odd that the cheif site for avant garde american poetics is in buffalo, (i soon realized it wasnt odd, thinking of all the tiny college towns that give birth to american intellgensia (ie oberlin, lawerence, bloomington, madison, chapel hill, black mountain, eugene, berkley, bennigton)
There is a group of israeli citizens who refuse to engage in the mandatory military service because they find the israeli army unethical, they are called refuseniks and have gone to prision etc. Now there are a group of fighter pilots who refuse to target palestine sights because they view it as unethical.
Is this the backlash against violent israeli tactics we have all been thinking about ?
die puny humans.
Is this the backlash against violent israeli tactics we have all been thinking about ?
die puny humans.
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
I am a man.
I am a large man.
I am a large bearded man.
I am a man who uses violence to impose his will on others.
I am a man who uses his passion, volume and fury to punish those who disagree.
I am a man who looks at women and sees his mother, and then realizes he does not like her.
I am a man who goes to bed every night, and somewhere between prayers and sleep, thinks about killing himself.
I am a man who hates being a man.
I am a man who treats other men like paranoids treat the masons, as inhertoirs of a terrible secert that goes unseen.
I am a man who writes because he wants to tell.
I am a man who writes because he wants to lie.
I am a man who is angry at other men.
I am a man who is angry at himself.
I am a man who has come to realize there are many ways to be a man.
I am a man who does not know what being a man is.
I am a man who does not call himself a man.
am i a good boy yet ?
I am a large man.
I am a large bearded man.
I am a man who uses violence to impose his will on others.
I am a man who uses his passion, volume and fury to punish those who disagree.
I am a man who looks at women and sees his mother, and then realizes he does not like her.
I am a man who goes to bed every night, and somewhere between prayers and sleep, thinks about killing himself.
I am a man who hates being a man.
I am a man who treats other men like paranoids treat the masons, as inhertoirs of a terrible secert that goes unseen.
I am a man who writes because he wants to tell.
I am a man who writes because he wants to lie.
I am a man who is angry at other men.
I am a man who is angry at himself.
I am a man who has come to realize there are many ways to be a man.
I am a man who does not know what being a man is.
I am a man who does not call himself a man.
am i a good boy yet ?
Friday, September 19, 2003
Thursday, September 18, 2003
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
I make my opinons based on the man sitting in front of me. I know the man i married. I honour what we've been through together...We've been through a fascantaing journey together.
Hes very concerned that no one thinks he is whipped.
Maria Shriver talking about her husband on Oprah.
tell me why she isn't running ?
Hes very concerned that no one thinks he is whipped.
Maria Shriver talking about her husband on Oprah.
tell me why she isn't running ?
revealtions i had yesterday (wankish title, isnt it--wait till you see the formatting)
Newman
They are all the same kind of people--white, middle class, charasmatic. Cradle Catholics do not traditionally have a strong cathecisis(sp). The services for SALT make it look protestant, with the singing and the handclapping. I cannot go in there like a bull in a china shop and affect change. It is unfair of me to ignore what has worked, to do what i wish to do. If i keep viewing it as an obligation I will not get the joy that I so seek. The catholic church is wide and their is a multiplicty of discourses, those discourses are not being reflected. milk before meat. millstone arround your neck rather then mislead the children. not truly beliving my own propaghanda.
Catholic Sex and Marriage
Kieslers a femminst, and a liberal, she should out herself as those two things. The class is evangicals and consertaive catholics;mostly women. I am worried that it is unsafe, but i cannot call myself devoted to post modern ideals if i do not listen. Im smart, know my shit, am theory heavy (there is a leonard cohen poem about him having an erotic dream, the last line is something like "at last the spirit has begun to do the heavy work"--theory has done the work for a long time for me, more and more it has taken over practice. Celibate b/c of theory, the ultimate scholastic consquence. Have a crush on one of the men in the class and want to kill the other one. Feel like i am bragging. Feel isolated (but lately i have felt isolated from everything) Feel disruptive. Feel ego driven.
Kappa Alpha
Its a frat, boys together watching butch tv, playing games of their own device, wearing conserative suits with white shirts and subtly patterned ties (one of them looked like kevin guy luke--but bizzarely there was not a whole not of erotic tension (ie i did not eat my lasgnae and blueberry pie or drinking kool aid while dealing with a raging hard on.) there was much gossipping about girls and gfs in a ironically detached way attempting to avoid how they really feel. elbarte songs, including god save the queen (the last time i sang that was in london with a bunch of republicans, each verse a spit on the old coloinal bitch--the last vs. being esp. odius because of the wily foriegner and the we are victims and not victimizers implications) they all addressed each other by last name, all the virtues of sjsa and whitman realized; the boys boarding school genre of film come close in a sort of what is real/what is art surrealism. i wasnt queer or an aspie or a liberal or a catholic or anything but a boy; i was subsumed in a tsunumi of white male privelege.
Gateway
not the token fag any longer, more of the "gateway family" (in the words of phillip larkin--"they fuck u up yr mom and dad", family here is not positive) blog was read religously last year by at least 6 of the editors, they might still do. (Adam does). The comments were a way for me to acknowedge that readership which did not occur. insutations that i was mocked for the blog, but perhaps mocked was the wrong word. Aside from the blog, i wonder if i am talked about behind my back, my status is in question and im a little miffed. Am getting along really well with Adam, like Heather (never going to write another art article for her again though, more acessible ?!, might start writing news or taking photos.) bryan asked if something that took so long to be accepted was worth the effort, and i think that i shot myself in the foot the first year and a half...calmness now has come, an awareness of how large a personality i have.
as for the blog.
fuck censorship, if people want to read about the banalities of my personal life, they shall.
Newman
They are all the same kind of people--white, middle class, charasmatic. Cradle Catholics do not traditionally have a strong cathecisis(sp). The services for SALT make it look protestant, with the singing and the handclapping. I cannot go in there like a bull in a china shop and affect change. It is unfair of me to ignore what has worked, to do what i wish to do. If i keep viewing it as an obligation I will not get the joy that I so seek. The catholic church is wide and their is a multiplicty of discourses, those discourses are not being reflected. milk before meat. millstone arround your neck rather then mislead the children. not truly beliving my own propaghanda.
Catholic Sex and Marriage
Kieslers a femminst, and a liberal, she should out herself as those two things. The class is evangicals and consertaive catholics;mostly women. I am worried that it is unsafe, but i cannot call myself devoted to post modern ideals if i do not listen. Im smart, know my shit, am theory heavy (there is a leonard cohen poem about him having an erotic dream, the last line is something like "at last the spirit has begun to do the heavy work"--theory has done the work for a long time for me, more and more it has taken over practice. Celibate b/c of theory, the ultimate scholastic consquence. Have a crush on one of the men in the class and want to kill the other one. Feel like i am bragging. Feel isolated (but lately i have felt isolated from everything) Feel disruptive. Feel ego driven.
Kappa Alpha
Its a frat, boys together watching butch tv, playing games of their own device, wearing conserative suits with white shirts and subtly patterned ties (one of them looked like kevin guy luke--but bizzarely there was not a whole not of erotic tension (ie i did not eat my lasgnae and blueberry pie or drinking kool aid while dealing with a raging hard on.) there was much gossipping about girls and gfs in a ironically detached way attempting to avoid how they really feel. elbarte songs, including god save the queen (the last time i sang that was in london with a bunch of republicans, each verse a spit on the old coloinal bitch--the last vs. being esp. odius because of the wily foriegner and the we are victims and not victimizers implications) they all addressed each other by last name, all the virtues of sjsa and whitman realized; the boys boarding school genre of film come close in a sort of what is real/what is art surrealism. i wasnt queer or an aspie or a liberal or a catholic or anything but a boy; i was subsumed in a tsunumi of white male privelege.
Gateway
not the token fag any longer, more of the "gateway family" (in the words of phillip larkin--"they fuck u up yr mom and dad", family here is not positive) blog was read religously last year by at least 6 of the editors, they might still do. (Adam does). The comments were a way for me to acknowedge that readership which did not occur. insutations that i was mocked for the blog, but perhaps mocked was the wrong word. Aside from the blog, i wonder if i am talked about behind my back, my status is in question and im a little miffed. Am getting along really well with Adam, like Heather (never going to write another art article for her again though, more acessible ?!, might start writing news or taking photos.) bryan asked if something that took so long to be accepted was worth the effort, and i think that i shot myself in the foot the first year and a half...calmness now has come, an awareness of how large a personality i have.
as for the blog.
fuck censorship, if people want to read about the banalities of my personal life, they shall.
Monday, September 15, 2003
Ok the offical "anthony easton why bother they are all fucking corrupt" list of democrat candiates
Howard Dean--gave up his ethics on the death peanalty because he decided that winning was more important, was not opposed to the war in iraq but opposed to the tactics. rich. white. ivy leauge.
Johnathon Edwards-- made a big deal about campaign finance reform but accepts large amouts of soft money.
here. Mentions personal tragedy in offical Campaign Bio. here
John Kerry--Rich. White. Yalie. Wife comes from the Hienz fortune, which has more money then god. thinks that a buisness making 250k/a is still a small business and deserves a tax cut. advocates diverting coast guard resources to fight the war against some drugs. here
Dennis Kucinich--voted against several pro choice measures,
here. Voted yes to Ban Flag burning, thinks state education testing is a good thing.
Joe Lieberman--Hes a republican.
Carol Mausley Brown--voted against sanctions against Nigeria, visited dictator Sani Abacha and had positive things to say about him including prasing him for being "in the support and promotion of family values" just weeks after Ken Saryo Wiwa was hung, has a "close personal realtionship" with Abacha's wife Maryam.
here
Al Sharpton-Crazy.
Howard Dean--gave up his ethics on the death peanalty because he decided that winning was more important, was not opposed to the war in iraq but opposed to the tactics. rich. white. ivy leauge.
Johnathon Edwards-- made a big deal about campaign finance reform but accepts large amouts of soft money.
here. Mentions personal tragedy in offical Campaign Bio. here
John Kerry--Rich. White. Yalie. Wife comes from the Hienz fortune, which has more money then god. thinks that a buisness making 250k/a is still a small business and deserves a tax cut. advocates diverting coast guard resources to fight the war against some drugs. here
Dennis Kucinich--voted against several pro choice measures,
here. Voted yes to Ban Flag burning, thinks state education testing is a good thing.
Joe Lieberman--Hes a republican.
Carol Mausley Brown--voted against sanctions against Nigeria, visited dictator Sani Abacha and had positive things to say about him including prasing him for being "in the support and promotion of family values" just weeks after Ken Saryo Wiwa was hung, has a "close personal realtionship" with Abacha's wife Maryam.
here
Al Sharpton-Crazy.
Friday, September 12, 2003
Damien Hirst
Charity
Painted Bronze
I love Hirst (partly) because he seems to me utterly and convincingly punk rock: that beguiling brand of arrogance, misery, hedonism and self-hatred, contradictions held at once to be totally unacceptable and a self-evidently good thing. He's in it for the money and he has complete integrity; he's taking a rise and he's deadly serious. He knows the joys of causing irruptions, however small or temporary, in the smooth face of proper grown-up Culture. What's more, when I look at his work I get that feeling of a sense of possibility even in the context of all that apparent nihilism. Oh and it's generally fun. Nasty fun.
Tim H
Brown Wedge
I think that i dislike hirst b/c he makes a fortune but pretends to be poor. i think that he is manipulitive, boring, senstaionlist, hype-driven...
but seeing how fuck you this peice is, tim might have a point.
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