growing up lds, was to acknowledge that men did things together, social things, that did not include women, and those things were inscrutable to me. this inscrutabilty was and is central to my life, from the sexual games i played in sjsa, to my complicated life in highschool, from my realtionship to my grandfathers, to my love of ray...i think this homosocial ambugity is central to a lot of gay men's lives, and in many ways, regardless of how unstable and unsimple the tag gay is, i am a homsexual in a world that rewards homosociality.

eve sedgewick died last night, on easter sunday, just as i was praying for the reseruction, her work esp. in between men provided the rosetta stone that translated "boys together clinging", to the secret works of men. when she said this to the best of my understanding, the sexual context of that period is too far irretrievable for us to disentangle boasts, confessions, undertones, overtones, jokes, the unthinkable, the taken-for-granted, the unmentionable, but often done anyways, etc.” (Between Men, 35). about shakespere, it was the closest she got to the eternal.