25 things about spending the night in jail, an annotated list.

1. the strange thing is that you don’t usually expect it
2. failure to appear on 9 month charges !?
3. and I called the cops myself, after this biz owner attacked me (I used his shitter, I didn’t buy a beverage, or a sandwhich cause I was kind of broke and anyways not thirsty)
4. aspie shit is not intended to be dealt with in courts
5. handcuffs behind yr back, in the back of a cruiser, fucking hurts, hurts three days later
6. driving, and not sure where yr going, and you asking questions and the cops just think yr a pain in the ass
7. and they think other things, they think you are crazy and they think you are drunk or on drugs (mental health history, trying to explain aspergers to these fuckers is never going to work, and trying to explain chronic depression vs I want to kill myself now, and trying to explain get the fuck out of my stuff as a general principle as opposed to get the fuck out of my stuff b/c I have something to hide, and trying to explain moving back to alberta cause im sick and cause moms sick and trying to explain this undiagnosed seizure condition and and and)
8. waiting for paper work the first time, and it takes 10 minutes,6 of those (time is fluid, it goes quicker then you think, but no watches and no clocks….) is the jr partner and his buddy making dyke jokes that are both homophobic and tactless, (also not v. funny)
9. they drag you downstairs, and strip search you—which is assumed to be the most humiliating part, b/c what would be more humiliating then a man taking his clothes off in front of another man.
10. the weird thing is that I take my shirt off and I take my pants off, one at a time, only half naked (and I stand forward, don’t turn my back to them, animalistic, cock presenting is more aggressive) naked is never really humiliating
11. humiliating is having my glasses taken away, humiliating is having three large men with guns hover over you in a small room and take yr fucking glasses off, glasses that are never off, glasses that are only ever off for sleeping, glasses that let you see the world,
12. over and over again, when I ask for my glasses back, (5 officers and 19 hours) they say, why do you need to see anyways (they took them b/c I was a danger to myself and other—they took newspapers and bags, and the bracelet I have worn as a talisman, given to me by d, and they took my medic alert bracelet too)
13. not being able to see my accuser, not being able to read they body language (not that I am able to read body langage anyways), not being able to communicate, (not being able to walk, not being able to see the graffiti in holding cells, not being able to see the trip from 14 divison to not being able to see anything, not being in power)
14. they kept asking the same questions, do you have family, do you have kids, do you have a wife—what audre lorde said about compulsory heterosexuality is here in spades, what does it matter if I have a wife and kids, will you treat me kinder, will you tell me the dyke jokes you told to the other officer?
15. the night guard at 14 division, Linda, kept telling me that I was doing okay, that I was doing good, that I was doing okay, keeping chiding me to “keep it together”; like a recalcitrant child, like a dog who for once didn’t shit on the carpets.
16. Linda had other annoying habits, she ignored the guy who was comatose, and then blamed him when he fell of the bunk, thudding and then bleeding. Linda gossiped on the phone. Linda talked in upspeak and sounded like she was twirling her hair when she talked to senior officers, Linda sounded like the girl who fucked her way to the top, Linda was nice but the niceness seemed well not false, but calculated.
17. I slept off and on, how well can you sleep with a toilet tissue roll and a bare steel bench (they called it that, a bench, the cell I was in was 6 foot by 5 feet, dominated by the bench and the toilet)
18. 7:30 am and I am taken out, and chained to 6 other people (the only experience I have with this is in the movies: I was a refuge from a chain gaingl cool hand luke, the defiant ones, the weird one with Stephen Baldwin and Lawrence Fishbourne (which strangely and ironically is the first one that comes into my head. ) The cuffs are too tight, and I still don’t have my fucking glasses (the one and only time I cried throughout the whole thing was trying to get my glasses back—and the cuffs were tight, really hard on my wrists, and im blind, walking forward into a paddy wagon, with no fucking glasses, the front of the line and the only people I had seen for a day now—because I spent the night before I was arrested.
19. the paddy wagon, divided in two, like the inside of a reefer, shrunk down, with thick steel walls, in a tshirt and cold.
20. I learned things in that paddy wagon, I learned about hooping which is sticking contraband up yr ass “a man can get v. rich in prison), I learned about the don between greek town and little India , I learned about food and being a liabetic to get more (when I was offered a sandwhich at 14, and the sandwhich was rancid balogana and American cheese, I called myself a vegetrian.)
21. cause I was on sucide watch, I was put in PC when I got to the courthouse—got in at 8 and out by 2, so it was not as long as I feared—the people who shared my sell with me, the west African who spoke Arabic and Swahili much better then he spoke English, and who was in some weird case featuring giving booze to an 18 yr old, and was in jail for two days b/c of it, (he had no idea of his charges, and they were really pissant and played hard; and the young guy who bragged about his gf and his money and his connections and his fraud and his mafia laden night club life, but was good company, and the guy who took my sandwhich and took the most comfortable place to sleep, and two people called smiley and death, psychotics…smileys shit smelled the worst I’ve smelt and I puked twice b/c of it; and death was 75, and looked like he spent all but the first 3 drunk.
22. smiley and death beat the shit out of each other half way through the day, because of noises death was making.
23. get to the court, the judge thinks the whole thing is a bit silly, the crown wants a 1k bail, this seems ludicrous.
24. I get out with a 100 dollar bail and another court date. Ray and d showed up, spent the day in court, got the wrong house apparently, and offer to pay the 100 dollars, I get out, we all go to frans, I have a bath and go to bed for a few hours.
25. which means tomorrow is filled with the usually beurocratic shit I love