i have spent a lot of time in the last few days just fucking around on the net, or sleeping or reading...and i'm happy, just calm and happy, but i'm really scared to do this, because to my brain this feels like depression behaviour--i have a really difficult time working the difference b/w this house is safe and nice and low key, and im not stressy, and so yeah, and the whole feburary thing--there is something atavastic in how depression reasserts itself w/o context--where paying attention to context doesnt matter. (i was going to say that i wasnt depressed, but the foundaitonal irony of depression is that even when you are happiest, the wolf is waiting in the parlour).