i need to write about my personal life, but am worried about audience.

i broke down last night, and yelled stormed off.
i got angry and frustrated and sad.

im in an ivory tower bungalow, with a mine shaft bunker, welcome to the front plan,
dont come down, you cant come down, i wont let you.

dont push me, dont prod me, dont pull me.

im a self absorbed asshole.
i still dont like sean.

im angry that he pushed his way in, im pissed that he hasnt realized that he has done it, i am livid at the blog, i am meloncholic at my responses.

we talk about me for hours.
we dont let anyone else in.
selfish selfish selfish.

yelling, swearing, being the most cruel i have ever been
and im christian.

fucking hypocrite.

self loathing becomes convient, and we move onto other areas.
i realize how stupid i am, how shallow, how ill informed, how undemocratic.

i realize how cynical i am.
how dark and black my inner workings are.

london 1888, or london 1666
whores, plagues, dust, grime, pollution, massive social change, crime.
thats my inner geopgraphy.
gnarled and lost.
from buckingham palace to gropecunt lane.

i want the great fire, cause that means i can start anew.
i wont get it, i wont recive it, i cant deal with it.
deconstruction means that you need to disassemble every peice, its painful, meticoulus, degrading, exhausting work.

it requires you to lose yrself, like christianity.

i am convinced that the only way that i can prevent the sins of the father is by not trying.
falling in love, having ideals, getting an education, voting.

i heard god at kathys wedding
and she said that i dont

i take advantage of pat.
" ": " " bryan.
" " " " world

conversation in my family is a bloodsport.
sean would make a great politician, i cant predict the concessions he would make.

sean needs to realize the pcs are evil and mckays an asshole, and that thats an iron wall.
sean needs to realize strathcona has lots of traditonally consearitve working poor.
sean needs a way to pay for his ambitions.

bryan needs to quit playing.
bryan needs to quit romanticazing
bryan needs to realize he cant play the games hes playing, and have a family.

patrick needs to quit being so milquetoast.
patrick needs to quit being pushed arround.
patrick needs to realize that a dual classics/phyiscs major will rule the world.
patrick needs to grow a dick if hes gonna use it.

anthony needs to quit relying on people
anthony needs to quit discarding people when they have become inconveient./
anthony needs to practice what he preaches.
anthony needs to piss or get off the pot.

anthony is wondering why hes posting this.