sleepers, the movie about the reform school and molestation, the first time kevin bacon played a kiddie rapist, is on the tv right now, and im staring at this 1/4s weigh up, the sjsa news letter...

both i guess are about how to correct mistakes.

sjsa is reforming, they are moving from the obsessive cruelty, the power of men to destroy boys lives, the monastic secrecy that grows paedophiles and sadists quick and hungry, the desperation, the isolation, the sadness.

they have less snow shoe runs, less duty peroids, less study peroids, shorter canoe trips, no coperal punishment, less anglican schtick, more access to computers and other personal electronics, day students, and jason coates is the new headmaster. dr coates is a man of great personal intergity, honesty, justice, and honesty. he was a student during the old gaurd, and has changed things for the better.

the movie sleepers has elabroate cloak and daggers to punish and kill the abusers--but my abusers are still there, ever present, and the weigh up tells me of their successes, shepered having dinner in toronto in jan, days after my bday dinner, amongst other examples...

i dont know what i want from sjsa (and not only from shep, from others)...intergral, complicated, omnipresent, exhausting, and dangerous, it would make sense that i would be happy for the boys who no longer have to play the game(s), but im not---its this butch fire that rises in me, saying things like orginal old boys, these folx are pussies, i suffered, i won over.

i want status, like a veteran.
this is silly