my therapist is fond of qouting the last lines of becketts godot to me, and with how im feeling lately it seems strangely proper.

i cant go on
i must go on
i will go on

she isnt really religous, but she uses words like suffering, and wounding---words that touch every catholic bone in my body.

i cant go on
i must go on
i will go on.

she has got me on a new medication, an anti depressent that is novel in how it works with brain chemistry, and all i can think of is "we spent the whole session talking about the medical model; & you think remeron will make it all better.

i cant go on
i must go on
i will go on.

she has castigated me for not going to group, and i havent really been going to church either---what is it about me and a community of anyone that scares me---why do i concentrate on the crufixion, and not the tomb

i cant go on
i must go on
i will go on.

i need to research an essay for class, work specifics in, move a presentation from scattered to focus, in four days...i should go to the library today but i do not want to do anything but sleep. I've been up for 18 hours, 20 ?

I cant go on
I must go on
I will go on.