today i went to shine, and i kneeled with my brothers and sisters, and i prayed for joy, and i realised that with all the pain i have been feeling and hate and depression and all that nonesense, never once had i gone to god.

i had begged him, fucked with him, yelled at him, sought his destruction, but never once in the last 6 mos had i gone

jesus
i am a sinner, i have committed acts of violence against you and your children.
i have not humbled myself in your presence.

or more simply
i have never said

christ this is for you
i can no longer do this.

christ
this is for you
i can no longer work alone