why do you listen to the music you do
My friend

As a child I heard hymns, songs from the little red song book, Childe ballads and irish love songs and english music hall standards.

One night we would sing about incest , death, infanticide and abandonment and The next night it would be about the comorts of home and a loving G-d.

When i was 7 my father left to go up north. I barely remember this. But he sent tapes and books. The tapes were mostly country and western or folk. They dealt with rambling men and lonely fathers. He sent me a tape of Cantonese Opera and Inuit Throat Calling as well. Once again death, sex and G-d.

The second summer he was up in the arctic he came home for a week . Driving through the alberta badlands in a red pickup he blasted Dylan. I noticed the words that seemed to tumble out of the speakers. The music was guitar but the words were magic.

All through that time i went to church with my mother every week . The mormon hymns were standard protestant . The ones i remember were didactic. They taught about resisting sin (Ye Elders of Israel ) or distributing Gods gifts or shouting Hosannas. The tunes were simple so we could notice the lyrics. There were ones that hurt ( families were never going to be together forever in my house) but mostly it was good lessons.

When i was twelve my father came home and i was shipped to school. It was a private school and i was rife with misery. The sports were useless and i was too much of a hedonist to appreciate denial of the spirit to get into heaven. I birthed cows and hacked through brush. We were not allowed to have music . They played music on the speakers every morning though. Everyone seemed to hate most of it . There were exceptions but they were rare.

We sang at that school on Canoe trips, in choir and at sunday Compline and optional thursday service . Now the only purpose of Canoe Songs is to provide cohesive rhythm . Therefore there is a very limited reptoire . I remember only half a dozen songs that fit . Strangely they included Koom-bay-ae and The Beverly Hill Billies. The choir was standard christmas songs . (God rest ye merry gentleman, In the Bleak midwinter). Every year we ended with the Hallejauh chorus. Still a piece i find has little power over me. The hymns at Compline were more important. They were butch and provided a strong Male influence . They dealt with Christ as Solider or Sailor or Master. No eli eli lama sabachthani humility at all.

The second year at that school had three events that changed how i viewed music.
The first was a raging censor who was our dorm master that year. He would have surprise inspections and regularly tore apart my library. He took everything . He hated Dickens as much as he hated Details. I had a Dylan lyric collection He called him a useless socialist. I had a Little Red Song Book. He was convinced i was a communist. The lyrics once again become more important then the music.

The third was when i tried to kill myself. I spent two weeks lying static . Some one forced me to eat and bathe. He talked to me , climbed into my bed and held me. He also sang to me. Angry songs. Songs i had never heard before but songs full to the hilt with mourning.
It saved me . I am still not sure what they were

The third was meeting my first boyfriend. We fucked of course but the most important thing he did for me was pass along smazidat mix tapes . Raging guitars and bawdy rhymes. It was filthy . It was music to accompany violence out of despair and not randomness . I remember Nirvana on that tape, maybe the sex pistols and a rugby song. I used to have them but they got lost in a move .

I still listen to lyrics first. Maybe it was the above training.